Let’s talk about kindness, one of the most underrated but most powerful things in the world.

First, what is kindness? Simply put, it’s being nice. But dig a little deeper, you’ll see it’s more than that. It’s about empathy, compassion, and treating people with respect. It’s about the small things, like saying “please” and “thank you”, holding a door open for someone, or just giving a friendly smile to a stranger.

It’s also about the bigger things, like going out of your way to help someone who’s struggling, standing up for people who are being treated unfairly, or lending an ear to someone who just needs to vent. Kindness is a mindset, a lifestyle, a choice to put others before ourselves and make the world a little brighter.

Why is kindness so important? For one, it makes people feel good. I mean, how do you feel when someone is kind to you? Like sunshine on a cloudy day? That’s the power of kindness. It transforms moods, uplift spirits; it makes us feel valued and appreciated.

Kindness is also a moral duty. The Stoics, a school of philosophers from Ancient Greece and Rome, saw kindness as a part of justice, which means treating people the right way. The Roman Seneca (4 B.C. – A.D. 65) wrote loads about kindness. He believed that being kind is a win-win – it helps the person you’re being kind to, but it also helps you by building mutual respect. Showing kindness was about doing your part to make the world a better place.

Plus, kindness has a ripple effect, like throwing a pebble in a pond. One act of kindness can inspire others to do the same, creating a wave of positivity that can reach far and wide. Mother Teresa (1910-1997) once said:

“Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless.”

Mother Teresa of Calcutta

And let’s not forget the benefits to ourselves. Studies have shown that being kind can reduce stress, increase happiness, and even make us live longer. So, in a way, kindness is like a magic potion for a healthier and happier life. It’s good for the soul.

When and how can we be kind? Anytime and anywhere. Kindness doesn’t have to be planned or staged. It can be spontaneous, instinctive, just a natural response to the situations and people around us.

But hold on, is there ever a time when we shouldn’t be kind? It’s not exactly black and white. Being kind doesn’t mean we should let people take advantage of us or cross our boundaries. Kindness isn’t about being a doormat.

Left to right: Jordan Peterson. Seneca. Marcus Aurelius. Mother Teresa of Calcutta.

Jordan Peterson, a Canadian clinical psychologist and professor, has talked a lot about being “nice.” He says there’s a big difference between being “nice” and just being “agreeable.” Agreeable people are super friendly, always looking for harmony, and don’t really like getting into fights or disagreements. But Peterson warns against being too agreeable because you might end up not standing up for yourself, letting people walk all over you, or avoiding arguments that need to happen.

He’s saying, don’t mistake being “nice” for being weak or letting people take you for a ride. It’s great to be kind, thoughtful, and respectful, but you also must stand up for yourself, set boundaries, and speak up about what you think and feel. A Stoic would say: walk away if you have to.

Stoics, however, wouldn’t be unkind on purpose; that would only show a lack of emotional control, a lack of maturity. Negative vibes can lead to being unkind and should be controlled. Marcus Aurelius (121-180), Roman Emperor and philosopher, wrote a lot about trying to understand people, even those who might have hurt us, and responding with reason and goodness and firmness, instead of anger.

You can totally be “nice” and still be strong and assertive.

How to be nice in the right way? Here’s what we can piece together from the writings of Peterson, the Stoics, and others:

1. Honest Self-Reflection: Understand yourself and your emotions. To manage negative emotions, you need to be aware of them first.

2. Responsibility: Take ownership of your emotions. Do not blame anyone for how you feel, and do not let anyone determine how you should feel.

3. Assertiveness, not Aggression: Assertive is not the same as aggressive. Express yourself and stand up for your needs without having to explain it to others, without resorting to aggression or unkindness. Being kind to others doesn’t mean to neglect being kind to yourself. Say “no” when you need to, set boundaries, negotiate to get what you want.

4. Purpose and Meaning: Have a purpose in life. A strong sense of purpose buffers against negative emotions, helps you assert yourself agreeably, and contributes to emotional regulation.

5. Truthful Speech: Favor honest and direct communication. By speaking truthfully about your feelings and needs, you handle conflicts better and avoid resentments, which can lead to unkind behavior.

6. Ordinary acts of kindness: Smile at people. Listen to them. Show empathy. Lend a helping hand. Stand up for those who can’t defend themselves. Be there for people in their time of need. Often, it’s the small acts of kindness that make the biggest impact.

In a nutshell, kindness is about balancing emotion and reason. It is an exercise in wisdom, rational thinking, and healthy self love. Be kind, but not at the cost of your own well-being or sense of what’s fair.

And, if it is no trouble to your larger goals, show others more kindness than they deserve.

Kindness is a bridge that connects people and invites them to put their best food forward. And if we could all just sprinkle a little more kindness in the world, who knows what kind of magic we could create. Let’s get out there and spread some kindness.

(Q.C. 230602)