“Perfectionism,” said Coach, “is the tendency to set unrealistically high standards and excessively critical evaluations of your own performance. It can be influenced by several risk factors, has a range of symptoms, and can be managed through various techniques, as we saw earlier.”

Risk Factors for Perfectionism:

1. Parental Expectations and Criticism: Children who grow up with parents who have very high expectations and are critical of their efforts may develop perfectionistic tendencies.
2. Cultural Pressures: Certain cultures or social environments that highly value achievement and success may contribute to the pressure to be perfect.
3. Educational or Occupational Environment: High-pressure educational or work environments where only the best is accepted can foster this stressful mindset.
4. Personality Traits: Individuals with traits such as high neuroticism, anxiety, or conscientiousness are more likely to develop even what may appear as personality disorders.
5. Fear of Failure or Rejection: An underlying fear of failure or rejection can lead individuals to try to be perfect, and to crucify themselves otherwise.

Symptoms of Perfectionism:

1. Procrastination: The perfectionist avoids projects due to fear of not meeting high standards. He is waiting for everything to be in place, or so he excuses himself.
2. Excessive Checking and Re-doing Tasks: I knew a man way back who could never finish because he spent too much time checking or redoing his work. We stepped in to finish it. He was, fortunately, brilliant. But we couldn’t fix the other demons in his head. He resigned.
3. Reluctance to Delegate: There’s this other guy in our team who just couldn’t ask for help! We’d see him languishing, sometimes complaining but generally telling us everything was fine. Until we knew it wasn’t. He had high standards, all right, but only he could meet them, he thought.
4. Chronic Dissatisfaction: I had a boss once who could not be satisfied by nearly everything we did, and could not be satisfied with anything she did. Eventually she was promoted, then fired.
5. Excessive Worry and Anxiety: My grandmother used to worry a lot, but that was not really a problem because we could see she was not immobilized by it. In fact, we think it’s why she lived to 104. Constant worry about making mistakes or not meeting standards and then being paralyzed, that’s the problem.
6. Physical Symptoms: Man, we see this all the time: headaches, muscle tension, or digestive problems due to constant stress. Doc Martin says even cancer, and serious complications from COVID are part of this, too.
7. Depression or Low Self-esteem: The worst thing about repeated self-criticism and the feeling that one is never good enough is that it leads to a vicious cycle that in the worst cases leads to the worst possible outcomes. Fortunately, no one in the history of this office has ever thrown himself into the path of a train.

Techniques for Managing Perfectionism:

1. Set Realistic Goals: So, this is where we begin solving the issue: the perfectionist should assess his goals to ensure they are achievable and realistic. Break them into smaller, more manageable steps. It’s like eating in a fiesta. A little here, a little there.
2. Practice Self-compassion: Take breaks, man. Be kinder to yourself. Recognize that everyone makes mistakes and that it’s a normal part of life. Later on I’ll tell you about being completely free in choosing your thoughts.
3. Delegate and Trust Others: Understand that it’s okay for others to take responsibility, and in fact, this is one way that will make you a great leader. Trust, and if you have good people, they will not do it exactly as you would. And you’ll be glad.
4. Embrace the “Good Enough” Principle: You don’t have to be perfect in everything! Accept that sometimes good enough is sufficient for the task at hand. I would even suggest that sometimes, where it’s not dangerous or counterproductive, you deliberately mess things up a bit. Explains why my desk is sometimes disorderly.
5. Limit Checking and Re-doing: I love this question: when do you stop editing? Set a time limit to the number of times you will check your work. The Pomodoro technique is an excellent tool. Get a timer and set it for 25 min. Work intensely within that time, then stop. Take a 5 min breather. Then repeat the cycle. Two cycles in total should be average.
6. Seek Feedback: Ask trusted colleagues or friends for feedback on your work to gain a more realistic perspective. In fact, do more than that: ask them what’s wrong about your work. Then ask them for help. You’ll be surprised how people generally feel good about themselves when others give them the opportunity to help.
7. Mindfulness and Relaxation Techniques: Engage in practices like meditation or deep breathing to manage anxiety. I know a good place where you can practice Zen meditation in this office: in your office.
8. Professional Help: In cases where perfectionism is severely impacting one’s life, we might be seeing a manic-obsessive condition. It will require the help of a psychologist or counselor in the worst of cases.

“Let me emphasize, it’s important to strive for excellence, but don’t let the pursuit of perfection destroy you. Work was made for man, not the other way around.

“I said to take breaks. Now there’s a version of that which is a problem. We will look at procrastination next,” said Coach as he finished his coffee.

(Q.C. 230622)