Coach and Jed are back for their mentoring session. This was in the morning but Jed already looked a little tired.

“Anything’s the matter?” asked Coach.

“Coach, I didn’t get much sleep last night. The thought came that I wasn’t getting as much from my time and effort as Karl. He’s doing it so effortlessly? Why can’t I do that?”

“I see. First of all, Karl only looks like chill, but he actually works a lot more than we see. And second, this is a good entry to talk about a problem that consistently affects the mental health of a lot of people, even those already at the top. I’m talking about comparing.

“Comparing oneself to others involves evaluating one’s own qualities, achievements, and status in relation to other people. While this can be motivational or serve as a reality check, chronic comparison can have negative effects on self-esteem, happiness, and overall mental health.

Risk Factors for Chronic Comparison:

1. Social Media: Many authors and influencers have said it: social media often shows an idealized version of people’s lives, which can intensify the tendency to compare. We see this in increased numbers of people who are depressed. Sadly, even an increase in the number who hurt themselves.
2. Low Self-Esteem: Individuals who are not confident in their own worth or abilities may be more prone to compare themselves to others. Such comparisons can result in vicious circles.
3. Cultural and Societal Expectations: Societal norms and expectations about success and achievements can fuel the desire to compare. We normally see this in certain milieus more than in others. We do compare our sales figures, that’s part of our industry. We encourage it even.
4. Competitive Environments: Being in highly competitive educational or work environments may increase the tendency to compare oneself to peers. Yet some people seem to make it a habit, people who on the outside do not seem to have a strong reason to feel themselves falling short.
5. Personal Identity Issues: Struggling with one’s sense of identity and purpose can lead to looking to others for validation, approval, admiration, applause or benchmarks.

Symptoms of Chronic Comparison:

1. Jealousy and Envy: People who feel the need to always measure themselves to others tend to more readily feel envious of others’ possessions, achievements, or qualities.
2. Low Self-Esteem: People with low self esteem are always looking for ways to feel superior, which means looking for the defects of others, in every case, in relation to themselves.
3. Anxiety and Depression: Chronic Comparers experiencing more emotional distress or sadness as a result of what they find. You see, you and I are always better than others in some traits, and worse than them in other traits.
4. Overemphasis on Material Success: People who compare usually do so over external achievements. I’m not sure why that is, but it seems that external success represents a clearer kind of validation. People with low self esteem always want to have more money, more publications, more status, more, more, more.
5. Social Isolation: They also tend to avoid many social situations to not feel inferior or inadequate.
6. Indecisiveness and Paralysis: They often find it hard to make decisions or to take action because of the fear of unfavorable comparisons. A classic case of thinking like everyone thinks like us.
7. Neglecting Personal Values and Goals: They keep changing their dreams and values based on what others are doing or achieving.

Techniques to Overcome Chronic Comparison:

1. Awareness and Reflection: Recognize when you are making comparisons and reflect on why you might be doing this. Understand the impact it has on your well-being.
2. Limit Social Media: Reduce the time spent on social media; be more selective about who you follow and what sites you engage with.
3. Focus on Personal Goals and Values: Shift your focus from others to your own goals, values, and aspirations. It helps to tell yourself that you don’t need others to feel happy or worthy.
4. Practice Gratitude: Regularly express gratitude for what you have. This can shift focus from what you lack to what you possess.
5. Develop Self-Compassion: Be kind to yourself and understand that everyone has their own journey, with their own ups and downs. You can be sure everyone on this planet is insecure about something, and some highly successful people can be dangerously insecure. Think Hitler or Xi Jinping.
6. Seek Inspiration Instead of Comparison: Use others’ achievements as inspiration. In fact, find ways to ask for their help and advice: it’s an excellent way to handle resentment.
7. Surround Yourself with Positive Influences: Build relationships with people who support and uplift you, rather than those who foster competition and comparison.
8. Celebrate Your Achievements: Take time to recognize and celebrate your own achievements, regardless of how they compare to others’.
9. Mindfulness and Meditation: Practice mindfulness to stay present and focused on your own journey.
10. Seek Professional Help: If comparison is significantly affecting your mental health, consider talking to a psychologist or counselor.

“Focus on your personal growth and what brings you fulfillment. And don’t think you’re not an inspiration to someone else.

“Related to chronic comparison is the fear of rejection,” said Coach.

(Baguio, 230625)