“Jed, one of the proven methods for getting ahead in life is making promises and keeping them. The trick is to make few. But for various reasons, people don’t want to commit. We can see that, we executives,” said Coach. “We try to help people overcome this fear, and we have seen some impressive performance coming out of formerly timid ones. Others, in spite of what help we extend, don’t get it. For their good, we let them go. They might be more comfortable making and keeping promises in another company or even industry.

“Commitment phobia, also known as fear of commitment, is the avoidance of long-term partnerships or commitments. We often associate this in the context of romantic relationships, but it certainly applies to jobs, friendships, or other life decisions. This fear can stem from various factors and can have a significant impact on an individual’s relationships and quality of life.

Risk Factors for Commitment Phobia:

1. Past Trauma or Negative Experiences: Past experiences such as a tough breakup, childhood trauma, betrayal, or big time failure can make someone wary of committing again.
2. Fear of Rejection or Abandonment: The fear that one might eventually be rejected or abandoned can prevent them from making commitments.
3. Desire for Independence: A strong desire to maintain independence and freedom can make commitments seem restricting. Don’t get me wrong, we like independent thinking, but we also like humble thinking, the kind that asks for help when it’s needed.
4. Low Self-Esteem: Lack of confidence in one’s worth can make someone avoid commitments for fear that they will not be able to maintain them. Usually this is just a question of skills and experience, and time is on our side on this.
5. Fear of Making the Wrong Choice: Concerns about making a decision that might be difficult to reverse can be a barrier to commitment. My formula for this is: decide faster when decisions are reversible, but take all the time needed to decide on something irreversible. My rule is 40-70: decide when you have between 40% to 70% of the information you think you need.
6. Unresolved Personal Issues: Issues like mental health or personal problems may make someone feel like they are not ready for a commitment.
7. Social or Cultural Factors: Societal norms and values can influence views on commitment.

Symptoms of Commitment Phobia:

1. Avoidance of Long-Term Plans: Reluctance to make long-term plans, such as living arrangements or vacations. Coaching and mentoring sessions make it a point to spell these out early.
2. Sabotaging Relationships: Engaging in behavior that pushes people away as the relationship gets serious.
3. Constantly Seeking ‘The Perfect Choice’: Always looking for a better option, whether in relationships, jobs, or other areas. In love or life, there’s no such thing as a perfect choice. We have exert effort to make our choices work, all the time.
4. Experiencing Anxiety or Distress when faced with commitments.
5. Inconsistent Investment: Being hot and cold in relationships or other commitments.
6. Hesitancy to Label Relationships or Decisions as long-term or permanent.
7. Frequent Breakups or Job Changes: A pattern of not maintaining long-term relationships or jobs.

Techniques to Overcome Commitment Phobia:

1. Self-Reflection and Awareness: Reflect on why you might be afraid of commitment. Understand the underlying causes and acknowledge the fear.
2. Set Small Goals: Start with smaller commitments and gradually work your way up as you become more comfortable.
3. Communication: Be open and honest about your fears with your mentor, people you are close to or who may be affected by your commitment phobia.
4. Professional Counseling or Therapy: If commitment phobia is significantly affecting your life, seek the help of a psychologist or counselor.
5. Build Self-Esteem and Confidence: Engage in activities that boost your self-esteem and confidence, making you feel more secure in your ability to commit. Hobbies help a lot here, and I don’t even mean just basketball.
6. Create a Support System: Surround yourself with supportive friends or family members.
7. Identify and Challenge Negative Beliefs: Be aware of any negative or irrational beliefs you have about commitment and challenge them.
8. Establish Personal Boundaries: Clearly establish what you are and are not comfortable with in terms of commitment.
9. Practice Stress-Reduction Techniques: Engage in mindfulness, meditation, or other stress-reducing practices to manage anxiety associated with commitment.
10. Seek Balance: Understand that commitment does not mean giving up all personal freedom or identity. Seek a balance between commitment and personal space.

“Remember that overcoming commitment phobia is often a gradual process, and it’s important to be patient and compassionate with yourself along the way.”

“At least Coach I can tell you I’m committed to this company,” said Jed.

“That’s good. But I want you to think that by working here you are making a commitment to yourself: a commitment to become the best version of yourself by exercising your profession.”

Jed and Coach went over some planning figure for the next 15 min and called it a day.

(Baguio, 230624)