I recently watched this video from HealthyGamerGG (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uDDeves6Crs) where he explains an interesting aspect about motivation. He says that people who can’t help but tell the world about their plans end up not fulfilling many of them. It seems that the enjoyment one gets with broadcasting good things about oneself is the reward; there is no further motivation.

What is interesting about HealthyGamerGG’s explanation is that he models ideas as energy. A good idea is positive energy; broadcasting it is to leak that energy. Hence, even if we write out our plans, we leak energy. We have to bring it back in, by reading what we wrote. On the other hand negative thoughts are best brought out, either by telling other people about them or writing them out and then not reading them.

All this is part of a general discussion on discretion.

Discretion as a virtue refers to the ability to make wise decisions or judgments, particularly in situations that require sensitivity, caution, or restraint. It involves knowing when to act, how to act, and what to reveal, often considering the potential consequences of different choices. It’s about discernment, carefulness, prudence, and good judgment.

Discretion is exercised in many facets of life, including personal interactions, professional settings, and moral or ethical situations. It enables us to navigate complex situations tactfully, to respect the feelings and privacy of others, and to avoid unnecessary conflict or harm.

For instance, a manager may need to exercise discretion when dealing with sensitive issues, such as personnel problems or confidential company information. They would need to carefully consider who to involve, what information to share, and how to act in a way that is fair, respectful, and compliant with ethical standards and legal obligations.

In a personal setting, discretion might involve knowing when it is appropriate to share certain information with friends, or when it’s better to keep things private. It could also involve making decisions about how to spend money wisely, how to manage time effectively, or how to handle sensitive issues within relationships.

Discretion is associated with other virtues such as wisdom, integrity, and respect. It’s about not only knowing right from wrong but also understanding the nuances of different situations and making decisions that reflect balance, consideration, and prudence. Despite being a challenging virtue to master, it is highly valued in various cultural, professional, and social contexts.

Simon Sinek, a British-American author, motivational speaker, and organizational consultant, has shared a powerful concept regarding communication and leadership: be the last to speak.

He said that great leaders are those who listen more than they speak, and often, they are the last ones to voice their opinions or ideas. His idea comes from the understanding that when a leader speaks first, they may unintentionally shape the direction of the conversation or influence the opinions of their subordinates. By speaking first, leaders may discourage open communication and stifle the expression of diverse perspectives, which can be detrimental to problem-solving and innovation.

On the other hand, by being the last to speak, leaders can benefit in several ways:

1. They hear all perspectives: By listening first, leaders can understand the full range of opinions, ideas, and insights from their team. This diversity of thought can lead to more innovative and effective solutions.
2. They foster an inclusive environment: When team members see that their leader values their input, they are likely to feel more engaged, respected, and motivated.
3. They can make better decisions: After hearing everyone else’s viewpoints, leaders can make more informed decisions that take into account different perspectives and ideas.
4. They can guide the conversation more effectively: By understanding everyone else’s thoughts, leaders can more effectively guide the conversation or debate towards a productive conclusion.

Sinek’s idea of “being the last to speak” emphasizes the power of listening in leadership and the value of understanding all perspectives before making decisions or passing judgment.

Holly Burns adds another dimension to silence: its power, and why it shouldn’t be wasted. In an article on Always Be Silent in Five Situations she describes 5 situations when we must keep silent.

1. Misunderstood feelings. Misunderstanding happens. Sometimes, particularly when emotions are running high, it isn’t wise to continue arguing because doing so will only escalate the situation. Keep quiet, let things calm down first.
2. Unspoken understanding. Words are not all we have to express. Especially among close friends, few words are enough to convey rich ideas and feelings. It’s possible to enjoy a conversation where hardly anyone speaks.
3. Choosing silence over nonsense. We will encounter people who will never change their minds. To engage them in conversation (understood as friendly debate) is a waste of time. They might come around, just not yet.
4. Silence as a response to the unworthy. And there are some for which that time may never come. They may prove incapable of entertaining what we have to offer, and so we remain silent than waste energy on them.
5. Silence for clarity and truth. This is strategic silence, used to emphasize a point of importance. It is also room to reflect.

To be more specific, certain personal information about us are never shared because they can be used against us:

1. One’s sorrow and helplessness
2. Past mistakes and future plans
3. Home affairs
4. Weakness
5. Income and savings
6. Humiliation
7. Fans and enemies

I do not assume anyone will keep my secrets, unless they have proven it: guilty until proven innocent. As for those who have proven that they are capable of stalking, gossiping, speaking about others behind their backs, and in general being inappropriately curious about the personal affairs of others, such are never to be trusted with one’s secrets.

Of course, when one has to speak out against an injustice or tell someone that he is doing the wrong thing, one may have a grave duty to say it to the person. Privately, as much as possible.

For professional reasons I have had to review professional plans officially. I remember reading the professional plan of this person about 5 or 6 years ago. It was 3 pages long. It spelled out in detail what his plans were after law school. The plans included three alternative branches; one of them included working in a foreign embassy, if not being an ambassador himself. It was one of the most convoluted plans I ever read and my head ached. You now the outcome: he either has not fulfilled 99% of it, or he’s still waiting for the perfect time.

I, too, wrote professional plans for review by my mentor, with the same effect: I’m doing something else. If I have to write one out again, it will be one sentence long: that’s the public version. And it’s vague. What’s in my head is a little more clear, but still vague, enough to set direction but not the details of the paths.

As to sorrow, helplessness, humiliation, and the rest of the list above. What does it serve to talk about them if they are in the past? If it’s to do with present day helplessness, only open up to someone who can actually help you, who will have some perspective to provide. Detail the negative stuff, but don’t detail the positive unless there really is a need for it, which is rare.

And only to those who have proven themselves worthy of carrying the burden of your secrets.

(Calamba, 230720)