This is how to play a psychological game known as the Karpman Triangle. It’s named after Stephen Karpman (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Karpman_drama_triangle).

Anyone playing a psychological game must enter as Persecutor, Rescuer, or Victim. They are decribed below. Two people can play this, shifting roles along the way.

Each role starts with a discount. The Persecutor discounts others’ sense of worth. The Rescuer discounts others’ ability to think for themselves and to act on their own resources. The Victim discounts his own ability to think and to solve problems.

At some point, someone switches. For example, from Victim to Persecutor.

We can now outline the Game Formula as follows:

Con + Gimmick = Response –> Switch –> Cross-Up –> Payoff

Always starts with a CON: a bait or a hook. Then follow up with a GIMMICK, i.e., weak spot or vulnerability, the button in the other that when pushed makes him buy the Con, leading to a RESPONSE.

Then the SWITCH, e.g., Victim –> Persecutor. The Switch grabs control through the use of confusion and surprise, called the CROSS UP. The switch is the essential part of the game, one might say its object: to hurt the others.

Then follows the PAYOFF, i.e., the negative emotions that everyone experiences as a result of playing the game. One might say these emotions are the object of playing the game.

Here’s an example:

Once upon a time, there lived three characters entangled in a curious dance called “The Karpman Drama Triangle.” Meet Victor, the Victim; Pam, the Persecutor; and Rachel, the Rescuer.

Victor, a sensitive soul, often found himself overwhelmed by life’s challenges. One day, he encountered Pam, a stern and critical neighbor, who constantly pointed out Victor’s perceived flaws and mistakes. Pam assumed the role of the Persecutor, placing blame and making Victor feel like the perpetual Victim.

Enter Rachel, a well-intentioned friend who couldn’t resist swooping in to rescue Victor from Pam’s harsh judgments. Rachel offered comforting words and advice, trying to shield Victor from the Persecutor’s relentless critiques. In doing so, she assumed the Rescuer role.

All of a sudden, however, Victor changed and began accusing Rachel of siding with Pam. What did Rachel say? Something to the effect that Pam’s actions were “objective observations”. Victor accused Rachel of being inconsiderate of his feelings and beliefs. As he attacked Rachel and his adrenaline flowed, he also attacked Pam, who being a strong woman didn’t give any shit. Rachel, however sought a Rescuer in Pam, who assumed that role to Rachel, now the new Victim. Everyone feels bad now.

At what point did the game start? When Victor baited Rachel. This isn’t the first time he played this game. He knows from past experience that at some point the Rescuer would point out flaws in his reasoning, using “objectivity”. He was waiting for just this point to spring the bait.

His objective? To underline the fact that everyone but him is wrong. Victor is trying to feel superior, because in truth he is so lacking in self esteem that he must play games like this to feel good, by making others feel bad. Quickly, however, he lapses back into misery as he realizes the feeling is short-lived; beside, Rachel has now distanced herself.

Psychological games are sometimes fun, but most of the time they cause much hurt. They could be a waste of time, except that they do reveal a lot about what’s going on in the minds of others.
My advice: don’t play, but if you are dragged into it, use it to get information.

But first, how you escape a game.

First, learn to spot Games. Learn to spot the Con. People like Victor are not that rare and the opening moves are similar.

Second, if you regularly participate in games it may be because you are either NOT Ok or think of others as NOT Ok; you discount as a Victim, Rescuer, or Persecutor.

Not wanting to play, and then having spotted the Con, you might either call the instigator out: “Are you playing a game?” or simply refuse further communication.

Be aware that a game player might try another game.

In the long term you might try replacing your discounts. So, instead of discounting as a Rescuer, show respect as a Teacher, who cares and respect other’s abilities while asserting your own needs. Trust that the desire to rescue Victims might come from not trusting them.

Instead of discounting as a Victim, respect yourself as a Survivor, vulnerable, but willing to ask for help, take advice, and make the needed sacrifices.

And instead of discounting as a Persecutor, show respect as a Challenger, assertive and firm, but not to punish, manipulate, shame or belittle.

Some notable players in my life.

1. Garfield. Loves the Victim role, and constantly criticizes others like a Persecutor. I avoid playing games with this guy, just give him facts and short responses, not to cut the conversation but to direct them along.
2. Amber. Perennial Rescuer, believes everyone has a problem that she could help with. I do not have the problems she claims. Disses other people at every opportunity.
3. Virginia. Normally a Challenger, extremely competent, But she occasionally explodes and turns everyone off. Highly competent professionally, but not many real friends.
4. Napoleon. Persecutor, always authoritative, dominant, critical and condescending. Hardly even smiles, is aloof from the friends he spends time with the most, but is congenial with the ones he sees occasionally. Always complaining.
5. Clark. Most of the time a Teacher, but tends to be Victim very easily. Feels himself persecuted by some people, and then becomes a Persecutor himself. The way he talks is offputting, actually. He is readily triggered, very sensitive.
6. Jack. Professionally, he knows his stuff. He is very talkative. In a table among friends you can always be sure he will try to dominate, regaling with lots of details (he has a powerful memory), with an air of authority. He likes predicates like “I told you so,” “Of course,” and similar definitive versions because he has an explanation for everything like many Rescuers. But he rarely asks genuine questions; YOU ask him the questions. I minimize social conversations with this guy. Professionally, however, very competent.
7. Steve. This guy has formal authority, but does not articulate clearly what he wants and so leaves many of his people confused. In my dealings with him he is more of a critique than a problem solver.
8. Vincent. Very smart. Always playful, and as a consequence, is not very orderly. People are complaining.
9. Augustine. This guy is losing his memory, is awkward, takes on a lot of tasks and is overwhelmed. Very balanced overall, but does not retain many details and for this reason can be tiring. A survivor.

I’m sometimes baited because of a service orientation I learned from my parents. But I’ve learned to be a little less nice, especially to Victims who find my helpfulness soothing. However, I have become more willing to trust that most people can deal with their dramas on their own.

(Q.C., 231228)