Death Denial refers to the human tendency to avoid thinking about or acknowledging the inevitability of death. It’s a psychological defense mechanism that helps individuals cope with existential anxiety and the fear of their own mortality. People often engage in death denial by distancing themselves from the concept of death, avoiding discussions about it, and seeking psychological comfort through various means.
Examples of how this law manifests.
Avoiding conversations about death. Many people avoid discussing topics related to death, such as writing a will, discussing end-of-life care preferences, or even attending funerals. This avoidance can stem from the discomfort and anxiety associated with facing the reality of mortality.
Euphemistic language. Society often uses euphemisms to soften the impact of death-related discussions. For instance, phrases like “passed away” or “in a better place” are used to avoid directly mentioning death.
Prolonging youth and appearance. The beauty and cosmetic industry thrives on the desire to maintain a youthful appearance. At least in some small way, this desire can be seen as a form of death denial, as it represents a refusal to fully accept the natural aging process and the changes that come with it.
Different cultures have developed diverse approaches to addressing the fear of death, with beliefs, rituals, and philosophies that shape their perspectives on mortality. I have been most impressed by two of these cultures: the Christian and Samurai cultures:
Christian Culture
In Christian culture, beliefs about death are often influenced by religious teachings that provide meaning to LIFE.
Many Christian denominations believe in an afterlife where individuals will be judged and rewarded or punished based on their beliefs and actions on Earth. This belief in an eternal life provides a sense of hope and purpose beyond death.
The central tenet of Christianity is the resurrection of Jesus Christ. This event represents victory over death and the promise of the resurrection of the body. Resurrection means that at some point all one who has died will becoming flesh again but with a big difference: he or she can no longer die.
Christian funerals often emphasize the hope of resurrection and reunion in the afterlife. Services typically include prayers, hymns, and readings from religious texts that offer solace to the grieving. Christian communities often rally around those who have lost loved ones, providing support and assistance during times of grief.
Many Christians emphasize the importance of spiritual preparation for death through prayer, repentance, and living a virtuous life. This helps them face death with a sense of readiness and faith.
Samurai Culture
The Samurai culture of feudal Japan was heavily influenced by Bushido, a code of conduct that emphasized honor, loyalty, and bravery, philosophical Zen Buddhism, and the Shinto religion. These influences helped Samurai approach the fear of death at all times and especially in battle.
Samurai were trained to accept the inevitability of death as an essential part of their warrior ethos. They believed that a Samurai’s true strength lay in the ability to face death fearlessly. The sakura or cherry blossom was their favorite icon, as it represented a flower that fell to the ground at the height of its beauty.
Bushido placed a strong emphasis on honor and loyalty. Samurai were expected to uphold their honor even in the face of death, and the fear of dishonor often outweighed the fear of death itself. Seppuku, or ritual suicide, was an expression of this hierarchy of priorities.
Samurai engaged in various forms of meditation (zazen) and mindfulness practices to cultivate mental discipline and calmness. This mental training helped them face life and death with equanimity.
The Samurai also had a strong belief in ancestral veneration, where they honored their ancestors through rituals and offerings. This practice provided a connection between the living and the dead.
Both Christian and Samurai cultures offer distinct ways of addressing the fear of death. While Christianity provides hope through resurrection and an afterlife, Samurai culture centers around acceptance, honor, and facing death as an integral part of life. These examples highlight how cultural beliefs and practices shape people’s perceptions of mortality and provide strategies for coping with the fear of death.
Here are some other ways of facing the fear of death.
Accept that death is a natural part of life. Open conversations about mortality can help normalize discussions about end-of-life plans and alleviate anxiety. Remember that dying has legal consequences that if not arranged in time will create serious problems for one’s family.
Explore your feelings about death and confront any anxieties you may have. Engaging with your fears can lead to a healthier perspective on mortality. I would recommend, however, that this not be done everyday so as not to develop into an obsession.
Recognize that awareness of your mortality can inspire you to make the most of your time and focus on what truly matters to you. My favorite lyrics on the subject:
E a coisa mais divina Que há no mundo É viver cada segundo Como nunca mais
[The most divine thing in the world Is to live every second Like never again.]
Vinicius de Moraes, “Tomara” (1970)
Discussing death-related topics with loved ones can help break down barriers and foster understanding. It’s important to share your wishes and understand the wishes of others. Isn’t it interesting that we don’t like to talk about death yet we love to see it in films?
Professional help can assist in addressing death-related anxieties and provide tools to cope with existential fears.
Mindfulness techniques can help you stay present and appreciate the moments in life, which can mitigate anxiety about the unknown future.
Engage in personal development and self-reflection to foster a sense of purpose and fulfillment, reducing the impact of death denial. In other words, fear neither life nor death.
Different cultures and individuals approach the concept of death in various ways. While it’s common to experience death denial to some extent, finding a balance between acknowledging mortality and living a fulfilling life is key to managing this aspect of human nature.
Robert Greene describes the Law of Generational Myopia as the tendency of each generation to believe that the challenges they face are unique to their time and that they possess special insights that previous generations lack. This can lead to a lack of appreciation for the wisdom and experiences of older generations, resulting in a cycle of history repeating itself. Underlying this law are cognitive biases and sociocultural factors.
Several cognitive biases and logical fallacies contribute to this perception.
Availability heuristic. This cognitive bias leads people to judge the likelihood of events based on their availability in memory. Because people are most familiar with the challenges and issues of their own time, they may overestimate the uniqueness of their problems.
Anchoring. People tend to reference or anchor their judgments based on the first information they encounter. If they perceive their generation’s issues as unprecedented, they might anchor their perception on this initial belief.
Confirmation bias. People seek information that confirms their existing beliefs and ignore or downplay information that contradicts those beliefs. This can lead them to focus on evidence that supports the idea of their problems being unique.
Historical amnesia. This is a phenomenon where people forget or overlook historical events, making current issues seem more novel than they actually are. The lack of historical context contributes to the belief that their generation’s problems are exceptional.
Survivorship bias. This bias occurs when people focus on successful or surviving examples and ignore those that failed or were lost. When people only see the successful aspects of previous generations, they may perceive their own challenges as unprecedented.
Cultural relativism. This fallacy occurs when individuals view their culture or generation as the norm by which all other cultures or generations should be judged. This can lead to the belief that their problems are unique because they perceive their own values as the standard.
Nostalgia fallacy (Golden Age fallacy). This is the tendency to idealize a specific period in the past, believing that it was a time of perfection or greatness. This fallacy can lead people to perceive their own generation’s problems as unique and worse than those of previous generations.
Presentism. Presentism is the tendency to judge the past based on present-day values and perspectives. This fallacy can make people believe that their challenges are unique because they’re evaluating the past through the lens of their own time.
Misunderstanding complexity. People might oversimplify the problems of previous generations, assuming that they were less complex or severe. This misunderstanding can make their own problems seem more unique or complicated.
Sociocultural trends contribute to generational myopia.
Technological advances. Older generations might perceive younger generations as overly dependent on technology and view their reliance on smartphones and social media as detrimental to interpersonal communication. Younger generations, on the other hand, might believe that these technological tools are essential for staying connected and informed in the modern world. People are comfortable with what they have a habit of using, and that would include the ways of communicating associated with the tools.
Although technology has led to improved productivity and standards of living, there is also evidence that smartphones and social media have negative impacts on communication: reduced face-to-face interaction and decreased non-verbal cues and misinterpretation of emotions, distraction and decrease in attention span, lack eye contact and rapport, and dependency. Problems in communication arising from modern technology may in fact be unique to the younger generations.
Political and social movements: Each generation often experiences its own set of political and social challenges. For instance, older generations who lived through significant historical events like the Civil Rights Movement might feel that younger generations don’t fully understand the struggles they faced. Conversely, younger generations might believe that their approach to addressing issues like climate change or gender equality is more progressive.
One explanation for this phenomenon is the concept of social recurrence, which suggests that certain fundamental social issues, conflicts, and challenges are recurring patterns in human history. Several sociological factors contribute to this perception. Human nature is essentially unchanged. Basic needs and conflicts for food, shelter and recognition have been basic needs at all times and places. Cultural norms may evolve, but the substrate in human needs and motivations is the same. Thus, racism, sexual discrimination, class struggle — are old problems with new names.
Workplace dynamics. Older generations might perceive younger employees as lacking work ethic and discipline due to their emphasis on work-life balance. Younger generations might argue that they prioritize efficiency and results over traditional notions of “putting in hours.”
Simon Sinek, a motivational speaker and author, has expressed his observations and opinions on the work attitudes and behaviors of millennials in the workplace. One of his well-known discussions on this topic is his video titled The Millennial Question, which garnered significant attention on social media. In the video, Sinek highlights several points about millennials and their approach to work. These problems may be unique to the “millenial” generation. They also illustrate some of the points brought out above:
Instant gratification. Sinek suggests that millennials have grown up in a world of instant gratification due to technology and the internet. This can lead to a desire for quick results and can sometimes clash with the patience and persistence required in a professional setting.
Impatience with career progression. He notes that millennials often have high expectations for rapid career advancement and can become frustrated if they don’t see immediate results. Sinek attributes this attitude to a combination of factors, including the instant gratification culture and the influence of social media where success stories seem instantaneous.
Lack of patience in work. Sinek points out that the willingness to stay in a job for an extended period, putting in the effort to learn and grow, is essential for professional success. He suggests that millennials’ tendency to change jobs frequently could be influenced by their desire for quick advancement.
Seeking purposeful work. Sinek highlights millennials’ inclination to seek meaning and purpose in their work. He suggests that millennials value jobs that have a positive impact on society and provide a sense of purpose more than previous generations. They also have more kinds of jobs to choose from that can fulfill a wide variety of purposes, compared to the fewer options their parents had.
Communication challenges. Sinek mentions that heavy use of digital communication might have affected millennials’ ability to engage in meaningful face-to-face interactions and build strong interpersonal skills, which are essential for teamwork and leadership.
Balancing technology and real-life experiences. Sinek discusses how millennials’ constant engagement with technology, particularly social media, could contribute to feelings of loneliness, lack of self-esteem, and decreased satisfaction with life.
Sinek’s views on millennials have generated both agreement and criticism. Some praise him for shedding light on potential challenges and offering insights into generational dynamics, while others argue that his observations oversimplify the diverse experiences and motivations of millennials.
Here are some ways to manage the Law of Generational Myopia. Many of these can be implemented in the workplace, at universities, and in churches.
Encourage open conversations between different generations. Create a space where people can share their experiences and perspectives to foster understanding and empathy.
Establish mentorship programs where individuals from different generations can learn from each other. This can help break down stereotypes and bridge the generation gap.
Teach history and geography and share stories from different eras to help each generation understand the challenges and accomplishments of the past. This can lead to a greater appreciation for the lessons that history can offer.
Encourage cross-generational collaboration on projects. Working together on tasks can help individuals recognize each other’s strengths and contributions.
Highlight common values and goals that span generations. Emphasizing these shared aspects can help minimize misunderstandings and conflicts.
Implement training that focuses on understanding different generational perspectives. This can help create a more inclusive and harmonious environment.
Encourage a balance between innovation and tradition. Recognize the value of both new ideas and the wisdom of experience.
The Law of Generational Myopia reminds us to be mindful of our tendency to dismiss the experiences of other generations. By fostering understanding and collaboration, we can benefit from the collective wisdom of all age groups.
The subject of leadership is a long one, and this will be a short blog.
Leaders vary greatly in how they manifest their character, some being more aggressive than others, yet often being just as effective. Thus, when I mention aggressiveness I do not imply a preference for its harshest, most violent versions. One can be very aggressive indeed yet remain calm. It might be better to call this Decisiveness, but let’s stick with Aggression — and think of the obstacle to be confronted as anything that will deviate a leader from his duty.
Robert Greene describes the Law of Aggression as the idea that there are instances when you need to assert yourself and be willing to confront challenges or conflicts directly in order to maintain your position, establish boundaries, and gain respect — as well as focus everyone’s energies on beating obstacles especially when many, including the leader, are tempted to give up. This law emphasizes the importance of controlled aggression and strategic confrontation to navigate social dynamics effectively.
The Law of Authority draws upon the observation that, on one side, people want to be led and they look up to a great and strong leader. At the same time, they resent him. They resent his position, the power he has, and the power he has over them.
Combined, the two laws describe leaders who have the moral character that is both the symbol and the means to prevent disorder and keep everything moving in the direction of goals.
Our culture, civilization, and society tend to repress our most aggressive instincts. But know that we all have it. Many of us have had the experience of becoming so focused by a goal that we are not diverted by difficulties, from nature or from other people. It’s a natural power many voluntarily silence in most situations. But it’s a power; it’s what made us the apex predator on earth. Instead of repressing it, we should use our aggression.
Or be run over by those who do.
An analogy is in order here. In our krav maga class we were told that when a mugger approaches and a threat is not immediate, the first thing to do is to shout “NO!” at the top of your lungs. If the mugger is not disoriented by this and becomes a clear and present danger, hit, then run. What if the guy comes from behind? Well, hit, then run. That’s what the classes are for.
I digress.
Here are some situations where aggression is an advantage.
Negotiation. Imagine you’re in a business negotiation where the other party is trying to take advantage of your position. The Law of Aggression suggests that you should assert yourself and confront their tactics directly, making it clear that you won’t be manipulated. This might involve calmly pointing out their tactics and stating your terms firmly.
Personal boundaries. In a social setting, someone repeatedly crosses your personal boundaries by making insensitive comments about your life choices. Applying the Law of Aggression doesn’t mean reacting angrily, but rather addressing the situation assertively. You might say something like, “I appreciate your interest, but those topics are personal to me, and I’d prefer not to discuss them.”
Leadership challenges. A leader faces a situation where their authority is being undermined by a subordinate. Instead of ignoring the situation, the leader applies the Law of Aggression by addressing the issue directly and assertively. This could involve having a private conversation to clarify expectations and remind the subordinate of their role.
Managing the Law of Aggression effectively involves finding a balance between assertiveness and aggression. Here are some suggestions:
Understand your own emotional triggers and tendencies. Recognize when you’re slipping into aggressive behavior rather than controlled assertiveness. My own rule is: never go ballistic unless you’re doing it for “theatrical” effect, i.e., you are in perfect control, and the message you want to convey is short and clear.
Choose your battles wisely. Not every situation requires immediate confrontation. Consider the context and the potential consequences before asserting yourself.
Develop effective communication skills that allow you to express your concerns or boundaries clearly and confidently without resorting to unnecessary aggression.
When confronted with aggression from others, practice active listening. Understand their perspective before responding. This can help defuse potential conflicts.
Learn techniques to manage your emotions, such as deep breathing or taking a step back before responding. This can help you maintain a level-headed approach during confrontations. It’s been said that one can tell who in the room has the most power: it’s the one who breathes the slowest.
In conflicts, focus on finding solutions rather than placing blame. This approach shifts the energy from aggression to collaboration.
Understand the other person’s perspective and motivations. This can lead to more constructive conversations and resolutions.
The goal of the Law of Aggression is not to foster hostility but to assert yourself strategically and maintain a position of strength while respecting the rights and perspectives of others.
Finally, to paraphrase Jordan Peterson, effective people are gentle AND dangerous. This is what meek originally meant. It’s not about being lamb-like. It’s to have one’s sword in its sheath, but being clear that the sword will be used without hesitation when necessary.
Robert Green describes the Law of Fickleness as the tendency of individuals to change their minds, feelings, or preferences frequently and unpredictably. People can be fickle in their decisions, motivations, and allegiances, often leading to challenges in understanding and predicting their behavior.
We are talking here not about the Law of Role-Playing which includes some form of systematic or predictable dissimulations. Fickleness is often not predictable but is subject to changes in the mood, emotions, or whatever factor that comes and goes more or less randomly.
In any case, fickleness complicates whatever rational model we use to understand and predict human behavior. Economics is a case in point. Most economic models assume that people make rational choices. Then, in came Daniel Kahneman.
Daniel Kahneman (1934 – ), a psychologist and Nobel laureate, has made significant contributions to the field by challenging traditional economic models and introducing insights from behavioral psychology. His work has been instrumental in developing the field of behavioral economics, which integrates psychological factors into economic analysis. One of his most important contributions is the concept of prospect theory.
Prospect Theory
Kahneman, along with his collaborator Amos Tversky (1937-1996), developed prospect theory as an alternative to the traditional utility theory in economics. Utility theory assumes that people make rational decisions based on maximizing their utility or expected value. However, prospect theory recognizes that human decision-making is often influenced by cognitive biases and emotional factors.
Prospect theory proposes that individuals evaluate potential outcomes in terms of gains and losses relative to a reference point, usually their current state. It also introduces the concepts of loss aversion and diminishing sensitivity. Loss aversion suggests that people feel the pain of losses more intensely than the pleasure of equivalent gains. Diminishing sensitivity suggests that the emotional impact of gains and losses diminishes as the magnitude increases.
This theory has profound implications for understanding real-world economic behavior, such as consumer choices, investment decisions, and risk-taking behaviors. It highlights that individuals may deviate from perfect rationality due to their inherent cognitive biases and emotional responses. For instance, a change in the reference point brought about by a drop in income contributes to fickleness.
Kahneman’s work has helped bring about a shift on policy-making, finance, and the broader understanding of economic behavior, by providing scientific support to what we’ve always known…
…. That human inconsistency is just that, part of the human condition. A variety of psychological factors that influence decision-making, behavior, and attitudes underlie it. Here are some of the more important.
Cognitive dissonance. When people hold conflicting beliefs or attitudes, it creates discomfort known as cognitive dissonance. To resolve this discomfort, individuals might change their beliefs or behaviors, leading to apparent inconsistency. Imagine a person who believes that smoking is harmful to health and that it’s important to lead a healthy lifestyle. However, he also enjoys a daily. This causes a conflict between belief and behavior, leading to the purchase of Marlboro right after viewing the picture on the pack showing a dissected, diseased lung.
Loss aversion. People are often more sensitive to potential losses than gains: the same number presented as a loss is more salient and therefore more likely to lead to action, than its complement presented as a gain. This can lead to indecision or frequent changes in decisions as people try to avoid perceived losses.
Here is a classic example.
You can choose one of two options. Option A: You receive $100. Option B: You have a 50% chance to receive $200 and a 50% chance to receive nothing. Most people will choose Option A.
According to the principles of expected value, both options logically have the same expected value of $100. However, because of loss aversion many people tend to prefer avoiding losses more than they desire acquiring equivalent gains. So, a person can be inconsistent depending on how the choices offered to him are presented.
Anchoring and adjustment. People tend to rely heavily on the first piece of information encountered (the anchor) when making decisions, then adjust from there. This can lead to inconsistent decisions based on different initial references.
Imagine you’re shopping for a new laptop, and you come across two options:
Laptop A: Originally priced at $1500, now on sale for $1200. Laptop B: Priced at $1100.
Even though Laptop B is priced lower than Laptop A’s sale price, the presence of Laptop A’s original higher price might influence your perception that Laptop B is the better deal. This is an example of anchoring and judgment. This cognitive bias can lead individuals to make decisions that are influenced by the initial information presented to them, even when that information shouldn’t logically impact their choices.
Confirmation bias. Individuals tend to seek out information that confirms their existing beliefs while ignoring or dismissing information that contradicts them. This bias can lead to apparent inconsistency as people disregard conflicting evidence.
Imagine a person A who strongly believes that people who practice yoga are generally calm and peaceful. She has a close friend B who practices yoga regularly and exhibits calm behavior. Whenever B does something peaceful or calm, A takes note of it and attributes it to B’s yoga practice, reinforcing her belief. But, when B occasionally shows moments of stress or frustration, A tends to attribute those moments to external factors like a bad day at work. She doesn’t let these instances challenge her belief about yoga practitioners being calm. People can be inconsistent by being critical with some issues and play favorites with others.
Emotional influences. Many cognitive biases are emotional in origin. Mood swings, emotional reactions, and shifting emotional states can lead to inconsistent behavior and choices.
Framing effects. How information is presented or framed can influence decisions.
Imagine a medical treatment with two options:
Treatment Option A: This treatment has a 90% success rate. Treatment Option B: This treatment has a 10% failure rate.
Most are likely to choose Option A even though both present the same information about the treatment’s effectiveness; the decision is swayed by the language, context, or emphasis used in the presentation.
Social influence. People are influenced by their social environment and the opinions of others. Social pressure, group dynamics, and changing social contexts can contribute to shifts in behavior and decisions. Peer pressure, bandwagon effects.
Imagine a group of friends planning an outing for the weekend. One person in the group suggests going to a particular movie that has received mixed reviews, and they express excitement about it. As the group discusses the options, most of the friends start agreeing with the initial suggestion due to the enthusiasm expressed. No one wants to be the odd man out, or risk being wrong.
Time preferences. People’s preferences for immediate rewards versus delayed rewards can vary. We prefer short-term to long-term consequences.
Imagine you are given two options for a reward:
Option A: Receive $100 today. Option B: Receive $150 one year from now.
Many will justify Option A with “A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.” But, in this example, the operating emotion is immediate gratification.
Uncertainty and ambiguity. In situations with high uncertainty or ambiguity, individuals might change their decisions as they gather more information or as circumstances evolve.
Mood and well-being. People’s mood and overall well-being can impact their decision-making and behavior. Changes in mood can lead to changes in choices and actions.
Desire for novelty. The novelty-seeking aspect of human nature can lead to changes in preferences, as people seek new experiences or options. This may be a personality issue, or it may be the result of boredom.
Self-identity and self-image. Changes in how individuals perceive themselves or their desired self-image can result in shifts in behavior to align with their evolving identity. Thus, one who was once systematically a spendthrift can become less so when a Niagara of money falls on his lap. Jack Whittaker’s is a tragic case.
Jack Whittaker, a West Virginia businessman, quite successful, won a $315 million Powerball jackpot in 2002, at the time the largest single-ticket lottery win in the United States. While the win initially seemed like a life-changing stroke of luck, it ultimately led to a series of unfortunate events that significantly affected his life.
It started with the media attention. Then followed a series of unfortunate events: profligate spending, malversation lawsuits, becoming a target and getting robbed at a strip club, strained family relations, and a collapse of his health.
Biological factors. Biological factors such as hormonal fluctuations or changes in brain chemistry can influence emotions and decision-making, leading to inconsistencies.
These psychological factors can interact in complex ways to influence human behavior. Human behavior is rarely perfectly consistent, and understanding these psychological influences can provide insights into why people exhibit inconstancy in various aspects of their lives.
In recognition of his groundbreaking contributions, Daniel Kahneman was awarded the Sveriges Riksbank Prize in Economic Sciences in Memory of Alfred Nobel (commonly referred to as the Nobel Prize in Economics) in 2002.
Here are some ways to manage the Law of Fickleness.
Recognize that people’s opinions and decisions can change due to various factors. Stay adaptable and open to understanding their shifting perspectives.
Maintain clear and open communication in relationships. Regularly check in with friends, family, colleagues, or clients to understand their evolving needs and thoughts.
Try to understand the underlying reasons for someone’s change in behavior or preferences. Empathize with their experiences and perspectives to build stronger connections.
While people can be inconstant, you can strive to be a consistent and reliable presence in their lives. Your own reliability can influence them positively.
Give people space if they seem to be going through a period of change. Pushing too hard during such times can strain relationships further.
Human inconstancy is complex and multifaceted. While these general strategies can help you navigate this aspect of human behavior, one must consider the specific circumstances and individuals involved.
Robert Greene describes the Law of Conformity as the natural tendency of individuals to adapt their behaviors, beliefs, and attitudes to align with those of the group or society they are a part of. This law suggests that people have a deep-seated need to belong and be accepted by others, which often leads them to conform to the norms and expectations of their social environment.
It is believed that the instinct to conform is a trait we passed down to us from our early ancestors. Social cohesion and belonging within ancestral human communities conferred a survival advantage when living in dangerous environments. Physically, humans have no “built in weapons” and were easy prey to animals or to the violence of nature in general unless they stuck together.
More specifically, being part of a group conferred the following advantages.
Safety in numbers. In the early stages of human evolution, living in groups provided protection against predators and other threats. Those who conformed to the behaviors and norms of the group were more likely to stay within the safety of the group and less likely to be isolated and vulnerable to danger. Being similar to others meant less risk of being rejected or excluded from the protective benefits of the group.
Resource sharing. Human societies have long relied on cooperation and sharing of resources for survival. Conforming to group norms ensured a fair distribution of resources and minimized conflict within the group. People who adhered to social norms and norms of resource sharing were more likely to receive support when they needed it.
Reproduction and mate selection. Individuals who were well-integrated into their social groups had better opportunities for finding mates and forming reproductive partnerships. Conforming to social norms and fitting in with the group increased an individual’s chances of attracting a mate and being accepted by her own sub-group and successfully raising offspring within the supportive structure of the community.
Cultural transmission. Early human societies relied heavily on cultural knowledge and information passed down through generations. Conforming to the customs, practices, and beliefs of the group was a way to ensure the transmission of vital survival skills and accumulated knowledge.
Reduced conflict. By adhering to group norms, individuals reduced the likelihood of conflicts and disagreements within their communities. This lowered the chances of internal strife that could weaken the group’s ability to defend itself and secure resources.
In-group cooperation. In-group cooperation often led to competition with other groups for resources. Individuals who demonstrated loyalty and conformity to their group’s norms and values contributed to the group’s cohesion and effectiveness in competition with other groups.
Though advantageous in ancestral environments, conformity can also lead to challenges in modern societies. It might lead to stifling creativity, suppressing individuality, and perpetuating harmful norms. We can find a balance between conforming to positive group values and expressing individuality.
1. Compliance– It involves changing our behavior while we are still internally disagreeing with the group. It is shallow conformity.
2. Internalization– It involves changing our behavior, also internally as we believe in the viewpoint of the group. It is deep conformity.
Here are three examples that illustrate the Law of Conformity:
Asch conformity experiment. In the 1950s, psychologist Solomon Asch conducted a series of experiments where participants were asked to compare the lengths of lines. However, the majority of the participants were actually actors instructed to give incorrect answers. The real participant, despite knowing the correct answer, often conformed to the group’s incorrect response to avoid standing out or being perceived as different.
Fashion trends. The fashion industry is a prime example. People often adopt clothing styles, accessories, and beauty trends that are popular within their social circles. This conformity to fashion trends is driven by a desire to fit in and project a certain image to others.
Corporate Culture and Groupthink: In corporate settings, employees often conform to the prevailing company culture and opinions to maintain harmony and avoid conflict. This can sometimes lead to groupthink, where critical thinking and diverse viewpoints are suppressed in favor of unanimous agreement, even if it’s not the best decision. A notorious example of destructive groupthink is the downfall of Enron, a US energy company based in Houston, Texas, where a culture of conformity and unquestioning acceptance of leadership decisions led to unethical practices, financial manipulation, and the title for being one of the biggest accounting frauds in history. The company filed for bankruptcy in 2001.
The pressure to conform varies across cultures, social strata, ages, and many other factors that define a group. It can also vary with the situation, e.g., a terrorist attack will cause people to scamper everywhere, but a mob will draw even random strangers to participate in looting. Political activities, especially elections, are excellent examples as well.
Here are some ways to manage the Law of Conformity:
Be aware of your own tendencies to conform. Reflect on your beliefs, decisions, and actions to determine if they are driven by genuine alignment with your values or mere conformity to societal pressures.
Develop the skill of critical thinking. Evaluate information, opinions, and decisions independently rather than automatically adopting the group’s perspective. This can help you make well-informed choices that are in line with your own judgment.
Embrace your individuality and uniqueness. Recognize that it’s okay to have different viewpoints and preferences from those around you. Authenticity can be more rewarding than conforming to the expectations of others. Be especially mindful about whether your desire to conform is motivated by a desire to feel better about yourself, i.e., conformity as a way to kill the pain of low esteem.
Surround yourself with individuals who respect diverse opinions and encourage independent thinking. Seek out communities and relationships that value individuality and open-mindedness.
Politely challenge group assumptions and norms when necessary. This doesn’t mean always going against the grain, but rather engaging in constructive discussions that encourage different perspectives. Paul Arden’s Whatever You Think, Think the Opposite advocates for embracing unconventional and counterintuitive approaches to decision-making and life choices. Know, however, that going against the norm will require having a strong character. I do not like to think of a strong character as resulting from traits, but rather from the simple conviction that if you are here, alive, right now, it means you had the ability to survive. Having survived, you will survive still.
Sometimes conformity can be beneficial, such as adhering to social norms that promote kindness and cooperation. And teamwork, of course. However, be mindful of the motivations behind your conformity and ensure it aligns with your personal values. Beware the psychology of the mob, where every member loses all accountability.
The Law of Conformity is a natural aspect of human behavior. Understanding and managing it can empower you to make choices that are more aligned with your authentic self and also get things done.
Greene and Kapeleris imply that this state of lacking a clear sense of purpose or direction in life can lead to restlessness, dissatisfaction, and a sense of lost potential. People often experience this when they lack meaningful purpose that resonates with them.
I do not fully agree with this viewpoint. I think that many find it rewarding to have no aims to aim for, to the point that they choose to be depressed rather than get out of their comfort zones. In other words, you might not LIKE your goal, or the goal can be DESTRUCTIVE. You can choose to LOSE.
And you’re totally winning at it.
My reasons for thinking this are two. First, because we all have this faculty called the “will” that always drives one to whatever target one chooses. And second, because all of us have what in Transactional Analysis are called “scripts” or “life scripts” by which we get rewards — payoff or strokes.
That the will is an effective faculty of reason appears to be the conclusion of most philosophers. Most important of these are Aristotle, St. Thomas Aquinas, and St. Augustine, whose concepts differ only slightly.
Aristotle’s notion of the will is grounded in the idea that human beings are rational animals who deliberate and make choices based on their understanding of what is good for them. When a choice is made, the will propels the individual to pursue the chosen good. In this sense, the will is always effective because it follows through with the chosen course of action based on rational judgment. Effectiveness here does not mean the person in fact gets good in a specific way. He might be a quadriplegic, for example, but he could still choose to love and, if only in his mind, he is able to.
St Thomas’ perspective of the will is rooted in the concept of natural law and moral discernment. When the will chooses in accordance with the natural law, it is effectively leading the individual toward the fulfillment of their moral and spiritual potential. He implies that the same faculty will lead a person to the opposite outcome, sadness and unfulfilled potential, as in the lazy person who gets all his Frito Lays and none of the wealth.
St. Augustine captured that last part a little better. He said that the will is not always effective in choosing and pursuing the stated good. He introduced the concept of concupiscence, which refers to the inclination or desire for sinful pleasures. Because of original sin, the human will is weakened and inclined toward self-centered desires that are contrary to the divine will. In other words, the will is always effective but is weakened by having multiple, often conflicting, goods to aim for. A person who wants to be rich but also wants wants to watch Netflix is much better of unsubscribing.
In all cases, the will is not arbitrary, but is guided by reason, deliberation, and the pursuit of what reason determines to be good for the person. Once a choice is made, the will is seen as effective in driving action in the chosen direction. This effectiveness is not contingent on external factors but is an inherent quality of the will itself.
Thus, a person who thinks it is good for him NOT to have a worthwhile purpose is effectively driven to SUCCESSFULLY live a life without purpose.
Transactional Analysis offers another perspective: the idea of life scripts. A script is an unconscious life plan based on early decisions made as a child. Briefly, a script is the answer to the question:
“What does someone like me do to people like you in a world like this?”
The script reinforces and brings about a basic belief, of which there are at least four:
a) I’m OK, You’re OK. That is, I am fundamentally worthy, and so are you. b) I’m not OK, You’re OK. I’m not worthy, but you are worthy. c) I’m OK, You’re not OK. I’m worthy, and everybody else is of inferior worth. d) I’m not OK, You’re not OK. None of us is worth anything.
Scripts are lived repeatedly and produce predictable effects. A person who believes “I’m not OK, You’re OK” follows a script where he takes on jobs, and then does them badly, which predictably leads to a scolding — and verification that he is NOT ok. Or he may work extremely hard and even become extremely rich, but when he stops he feels worthless again. In this case, the scolding will come from himself. Or, a person who believes “I’m OK, You’re not OK” may follow a script where he lives a life of crime, then is predictably arrested, confirming that “I’m the Robin Hood here, but this worthless society put me to jail.”
This discussion implies that every script has potentially an ultimate and extreme outcome or payoff that is sought often unconsciously, even if unpleasant. The ultimate end for
a) “I’m not OK, You’re OK” is a life without love, filled with a constant, unsuccessful quest for a successful and loving relationship. At worst, we’re looking at suicide.
b) For “I’m OK, You’re not OK” the ultimate end is a life without joy, perhaps a life of crime or drug addiction. The person is out of touch, incapable of feeling love, ecstasy, crying, or hating, living in their heads, always thinking, thinking, thinking.
c) And the person who says “I’m not OK, You’re not OK” is headed for life in a mental institution, from an inability to cope in the world, with no control over one’s life, not knowing what he wants, the capacity to think devalued.
Those scripts suck. But the fact that there are so many loveless, joyless, and insane people in the world supports the idea that people prefer to live their scripts than change them.
I therefore conclude from philosophy and psychology that most people are winning at being losers.
And so I think what Greene is describing as aimlessness is to not fulfill a contract one has made with oneself and with society: a stated, or written out, purpose. A person who sets a goal for himself is making a contract that “I will work hard to provide society with a service, society will pay me, and I will be rich.” Or “I will study, get my PhD, train students, and contribute to the good of the world.” As social creatures, we all make such contracts, and so there is a “public” definition of aimlessness, which I think is what Greene and Kapeleris are referring to.
There are numerous examples of failure to fulfill such a contract.
Post-retirement uncertainty, After retiring from a lifelong career, some might experience aimlessness. The routine and purpose provided by their jobs are suddenly gone, leaving them with a sense of emptiness and a lack of direction. They have lost a sense of contributing to society — e.g., their own family. But not all retirees go through this, underscoring again the idea that people who lived life with positive scripts, e.g., stemming from the belief that “I’m OK, You’re OK” find ways to remain relevant and happy in the now.
Quarter-life crisis. Young adults in their 20s can sometimes face a period of aimlessness. The transition from school to the professional world or other life changes can lead to uncertainty about one’s purpose and future goals, resulting in feelings of being adrift. However, many young people recognize that youth is the time for trial and error. If they work in places where failure is tolerated then they’re better off. Though not every workplace is this understanding, everyone can make lemon from lemonade.
Midlife crisis. People in middle age might experience aimlessness as they reevaluate their life choices and accomplishments. They might question the direction they have taken, leading to a search for new meaning and purpose. Again, many people have succeeded through mid-life career changes. A famous example is Col. Harland Sanders, who spent many years doing all kinds of work, including serving in the military. Then at 40, hit by financial difficulties, he quit his job and sold chicken in Kentucky. He was just surviving, but he kept at it. When he was in his 70’s his original recipe suddenly took off, and that’s when Kentucky Fried Chicken became famous.
Here are a number of ways to manage the Law of Aimlessness.
Set meaningful goals. Define clear and meaningful goals for various aspects of your life in society. Having specific targets to work toward can provide a sense of purpose and direction.
Reflect on your core life beliefs. Answer the question “What does someone like me do to people like you in a world like this?” Seek in this answer whether you have an OK idea of yourself and of others. See whether you have an idea that the world has many good things for the taking. Reverse any idea that you and/or the other are worthless, with the idea that you and the others, even with all your faults and weaknesses, are worthy of the good things in life. Reverse the idea that only certain members of our population have the right to enjoy the gifts of the world.
Explore your passions. This is a way for asserting your worthiness to enjoy the good things life has to offer. Get out of your comfort zone! Engage in activities that you enjoy, even when you’re enjoying it alone.
Learn new things. Part of having a sense of worth is being competent in something, or becoming knowledgeable in something, no matter how trivial it might seem. Knowledge and skill build on previous learning. Do this all your life.
Seek competent mentors and guides. This kind of serves as the umbrella resolution. Mentors can help you navigate times of uncertainty, encourage you in times of failure and difficulty, and push you to become better.
Contribute to others. Be conscious of making and fulfilling a contract with society. Engage in acts of kindness, of service, working for causes you care about.
Be mindful. Stay in the present. Most negative attitudes in life come from guilt about the past or worries and anxieties about the future. The past and future also have useful lessons; so, this is an invitation to choose what are useful to addressing your challenges right now.
Robert Greene describes the Law of Gender Rigidity as the concept that gender roles and expectations are deeply ingrained in society and influence individuals’ behaviors and interactions.
The Law suggests that societies tend to create rigid and predefined roles for men and women, which impact how they perceive themselves and others. These roles are based on biological, historical, and cultural conditions, and in some ways limit individuals’ potential and create unnecessary conflicts. Greene encourages readers to recognize and understand these gender roles and to work toward a more flexible and balanced approach to gender dynamics.
I will tackle this issue without going into the polemics with which the issue of gender is often mixed today. So, to start off, I will say that males and females ARE different.
Males and females differ biologically. Let’s begin this discussion with the command center, the brain. Neurobiological differences are a subject of intense scientific exploration. A point of caution: sexual differences at the level of the brain are often subtle, and individual variation is significant. And while some differences have been observed, they don’t necessarily correlate with capabilities or limitations in any particular field.
Here are some general observations.
Brain structure. Studies have indicated, for instance, that certain brain regions related to language processing might be larger in females, while areas involved in spatial navigation might be larger in males. However, these differences are not universal.
Brain Connectivity. The way different regions of the brain communicate with each other might vary between genders. Some research suggests that females might have more efficient communication between the left and right hemispheres, which could contribute to better multitasking abilities. Males might have stronger connections within localized brain regions, which might contribute to enhanced motor skills.
Hormonal Influence. Hormonal differences between males and females, such as testosterone and estrogen, play a role in shaping brain development. These hormones can influence neural connections and might contribute to differences in certain cognitive functions and behaviors.
Emotional Processing. Studies have proposed that females might have a slightly stronger inclination toward emotional processing and empathy. This could be related to brain areas involved in social and emotional cognition being more active or connected in females.
Pain Perception. Some research suggests that females might have a higher pain threshold and tolerate pain better than males. This might be linked to differences in the way pain signals are processed in the brain.
Risk and Reward Processing. There’s some evidence that males and females might process risk and reward differently in the brain. Males might be more prone to risk-taking due to brain structures associated with reward and sensation-seeking being more active or interconnected.
Many of these points have been concluded from observations of brain injury. These observations are described by neuropsychologist Amee Baird in the book Sex in the Brain, where she writes about how seizures, strokes, dementia, tumors, and trauma affect male and female brain function and subsequent behaviors differently.
Of course, the brain’s function is influenced by genetics, environment, and individual experiences as well. Additionally, the brain is highly plastic, meaning it can adapt and change over time due to experiences, learning, and other factors.
Moving on from the brain, let’s look at physical differences.
Body composition. Males tend to have a higher percentage of muscle mass and lower percentage of body fat on average compared to females. This is influenced by hormonal differences like testosterone and estrogen.
Height. Males within a population tend to be taller than females of the same population due to hormonal differences and genetics.
Reproductive system. Females have a reproductive system that includes structures like ovaries, fallopian tubes, and a uterus, while males have testes and a penis.
Secondary sexual characteristics. During puberty, males and females develop distinct secondary sexual characteristics such as facial hair growth in males and breast development in females. These characteristics are influenced by different hormones.
Hormonal differences. Hormonal differences between males (higher testosterone) and females (higher estrogen) contribute to various physical characteristics and development patterns.
Brain and body biology influence intellectual function to some extent.
Cognitive styles. Studies have suggested that females might tend to have a stronger focus on verbal communication and interpersonal skills, while males might show a slightly higher aptitude for spatial reasoning and certain mathematical tasks. However, the variation within genders is larger than the differences between genders.
Academic performance. Historically, females have often outperformed males in verbal subjects and humanities, while males have excelled in math and physical sciences. However, individual ability and interests play a significant role in actual performance.
A number of emotional differences have also been observed.
Empathy and communication. Females are sometimes said to display greater empathy and emotional expression, which can lead to stronger interpersonal connections. This can be attributed to a combination of societal expectations and biological factors.
Aggression and competition. Some research suggests that males might exhibit more physical aggression and competition due to evolutionary and hormonal factors like testosterone. However, this doesn’t mean females are not capable of aggression or competitiveness.
Now let’s look at a few examples that illustrate the Law of Gender Rigidity.
Occupational stereotypes. In many countries, more females than males practice nursing, while more males than females practice engineering. It is reasonable that men are preferred for jobs requiring enhanced physical strength, or women for jobs requiring enhanced empathy. But it isn’t the case in most modern societies that one is barred from a profession because of his or her gender.
Some societal factors are a cause for concern. For example, the #MeToo movement in the United States has resulted in more and more men avoiding interactions with female colleagues because of the danger of losing their jobs as a result of allegations of sexual harassment. Patas, in 2019, (https://www.thegazelle.org/issue/163/the-extremisms-of-metoo) wrote that as a result of the movement, “27% of men now avoid one-on-one meetings with their female co-workers.” The problemis when this affects mentoring, which often involves one-on-one meetings. If a third of men avoid mentoring female candidates, then we can expect to see even fewer women represented in professions requiring mentoring, especially executive positions.
Emotional expression. Societal gender expectations can impact how people express their emotions. Men are often discouraged from showing vulnerability or expressing emotions other than anger, as these traits may be seen as “unmanly.” Similarly, women might feel constrained in expressing assertiveness or anger, as these traits might be seen as “unfeminine.”
Let’s see how this plays out in a subject of great interest: dating.
Graff in 2020 (https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/love-digitally/202011/what-women-want-what-men-want) wrote that “Sex differences in what men and women find attractive in an opposite sex partner have consistently shown that men have a preference for physically attractive women, with women showing a preference for men with wealth, power, and earning potential. Furthermore, women, more than men, have been found to settle for partners lower in terms of physical unattractiveness, provided they possess earning potential or wealth.”
This difference in preferences may be explained by evolutionary biology. In our history as a species, women carried and nurtured the child. The men hunted to provide for the women and children. Over time, the hunting and strategizing traits became the male specialty, while that of nourishing children became the female’s.
We no longer live as nomads. But, we still select mates. Consider the concept of sexual market value, i.e., the value of the person in the dating market, sexual economics. Baumeister in 2022 (https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/cultural-animal/202206/unromantic-compelling-theory-about-sexual-motivations) wrote that “In sex, women are the supply, men are the demand.” This means that when women are in large supply, the cost of sex is low, and the situation favors men.
And women are in large supply. Since the industrial revolution, women have increasingly been freed from traditional jobs like weaving and sewing, and are now in abundance in the same environments where men operate. In fact, in some places like universities, there are many more women than men. Sex is cheap. And it affects women more than men.
The late peak of men is explained by women’s preference for successful men, which takes time. Men, on the other hand and throughout history, have preferred younger, more attractive, more fertile women — for traits that peak in women when they are in their 20’s. Put in another way, a rich 50-year old man will prefer a 20-year old regardless of her money, over a rich 50-year old woman. But what if the woman is highly educated?
Coatzee further concludes that the more educated a woman is, controlling for age, the less her value becomes.
I’m just being playful here. Clearly, the factors involved may be more complex.
Parenting roles. The Law of Gender Rigidity also affects parenting dynamics. Traditional gender roles might dictate that women are primarily responsible for childcare and homemaking, while men are the breadwinners. These expectations can limit the opportunities for both parents to participate fully in their children’s lives and personal pursuits on a case-to-case basis.
The point is this: men and women are different, think differently, feel differently.
These average trends (again, populations matter) should not make us think that just because I’m male or female, I cannot or should not pursue certain activities. Think of male and female qualities as tools. Can you cultivate them? If a man can cultivate “female” traits like empathy, and women can cultivate “male” traits like strategy, they can ENHANCE their performance at home or at work.
In other words, don’t fall into the trap of Gender Rigidity.
Here are some ways to manage the Law of Gender Rigidity:
Recognize and question what is limiting in societal norms and gender expectations. Educate yourself and others about the harmful effects of rigid gender roles and the benefits of promoting more flexible and inclusive attitudes.
Encourage and support individuals, to pursue their interests, passions, and careers without being limited by stereotypes.
Reflect on your own biases and beliefs about gender. Work on challenging and reevaluating these biases to foster a more open and accepting perspective on gender differences.
Create an environment where people feel comfortable discussing and expressing their thoughts and feelings about gender roles. Encouraging open conversations can lead to increased understanding and empathy.
Challenge limiting gender norms in your own life. Embrace a balanced approach to responsibilities and behaviors.
Finally, is there a superior gender? I think that men are superior to women in so far as they are men, and women are superior to men in so far as they are women. Complementarity.
Robert Greene describes the Law of Grandiosity as the tendency of individuals to exaggerate their importance, achievements, and abilities in order to bolster their self-esteem, manipulate others, or mask insecurities.
The Law highlights the human inclination to create an impressive façade, projecting an image of exceptional competence, knowledge, or significance. This behavior can stem from a desire for admiration, respect, and control over others’ perceptions. At worst, it may be accompanied by a sense that others are inferior, wrong, or “unworthy”.
People often construct online personas that showcase an idealized version of their lives. A notorious example is Rachel Dolezal.
Rachel Dolezal gained public attention between 2010-2015 when she portrayed herself as a black woman and became a prominent civil rights activist and advocate for African American causes. She held leadership positions in NAACP chapters, taught African American studies, and worked on issues related to racial equality.
However, in 2015, it was revealed that Dolezal was, in fact, born to white parents of European descent. She had consistently identified herself as a black woman, tanned her skin, styled her hair in ways associated with black culture, and claimed to have black heritage. After being found out, she acknowledged she was “born white to white parents“, and asserted that her self-identification is genuine, even though it is not based on ancestry.
Her fabrication caused controversy and outrage. Many criticized her for appropriating and trivializing the struggles of the black community while denying her own white heritage. The fabrication was personally damaging. It led to widespread media attention, and her resignation from her leadership roles at the NAACP and the Police Ombudsman Commission in Spokane, and from her teaching post at Eastern Washington University. Her current job is listed as “hairstylist”. She legally changed her name in 2016 to have a better chance of landing work.
Dolezal’s motivation for projecting a false image was likely rooted in her desire to be seen as an authentic and dedicated advocate for racial equality. She might have believed that presenting herself as a black woman would lend more weight and credibility to her work in civil rights and anti-discrimination efforts.
Rachel Dolezal’s case serves as a cautionary tale about authenticity, cultural appropriation, and ethical representation. It highlights the importance of being genuine and transparent about one’s identity, motivations, and background.
Her story also underscores the challenges and complexities of projecting a false image in the age of social media, where misinformation and deception can be easily created, and also exposed with ease, leading to public backlash and loss of credibility.
All successful business leaders have to be confident. But some use grandiose language and gestures to project an overblown image of confidence and authority. This can manipulate followers into trusting their decisions and abilities.
One notorious example is Richard S. Fuld, Jr., the former CEO of Lehman Brothers.
Fuld was at the helm of Lehman Brothers, a global financial services firm, during the period leading up to the 2008 financial crisis. Under his leadership, Lehman Brothers engaged in risky financial practices, including significant exposure to subprime mortgages and complex derivatives.
Fuld’s megalomaniac tendencies played a significant role in Lehman Brothers’ downfall. Fuld maintained an authoritarian leadership style, emphasizing profits and growth without adequately assessing the potential risks. He was known for his unwavering confidence in his decisions, even when they went against prevailing wisdom or market trends. This confidence bordered on arrogance, leading him to dismiss warnings about the impending financial crisis.
He also exhibited a lack of accountability for the firm’s risky behavior. He often placed blame on external factors and was slow to acknowledge the severity of the financial crisis.
And despite Lehman Brothers’ deteriorating financial health, Fuld continued to receive substantial compensation and bonuses. His focus on personal gain and rewards demonstrated a disregard for the well-being of the firm and its employees.
In 1844, Lehman Brothers was a simple dry goods store. In 2008 it was the 4th largest investment bank in the United States with a market value of $42 billion. On September 12, 2008, two days after reporting $41 billion in liquidity, true available funds totaled only $2 billion.” Lehman filed for bankruptcy on September 15, marking a pivotal moment in the global financial crisis. The bankruptcy had far-reaching consequences, triggering a chain reaction of market turmoil and financial instability that we still feel to this day.
As for Fuld, he is currently head of New York-based Matrix Private Capital.
Fuld’s is a cautionary tale about the dangers of unchecked megalomania in business leadership. His refusal to acknowledge the reality of the financial situation, paired with a focus on personal gain, exacerbated the crisis and contributed to the widespread economic turmoil that badly affected the lives of millions.
His case underscores the importance of humility, accountability, and a willingness to adapt in the face of changing circumstances. It highlights the potential harm that can arise when leaders prioritize their ego and personal interests over the well-being of their organizations and the broader economy.
For our final illustration of grandiosity, here’s one about pathological lying. When people fabricate elaborate stories about their accomplishments or experiences, often seeking validation and attention from others. This is the example is Jussie Smollett.
Smollett is an actor known for his role on the TV show Empire. In January 2019, he reported to the police that he had been the victim of a hate crime, claiming that he was attacked by two men who shouted racist and homophobic slurs, poured a chemical substance on him, and placed a noose around his neck.
Smollett’s initial account of the incident detailed a violent hate crime that garnered widespread media attention and sympathy from public figures. He provided intricate details about the alleged attackers and their actions, leading to a sense of outrage and concern for his safety. Smollett maintained his story in media interviews, giving interviews that reinforced his claims.
But, as the investigation unfolded, inconsistencies emerged in Smollett’s story. It was eventually revealed that he had orchestrated the entire incident and had paid two acquaintances to stage the attack. Smollett’s motive was reported to be a combination of seeking attention and dissatisfaction with his salary on Empire.
Smollett’s case highlights the consequences of pathological lying, particularly in the context of media attention and public sentiment. His actions not only damaged his own reputation but also fueled skepticism and undermined the credibility of real victims of hate crimes.
The incident highlights the importance of ethical behavior, honesty, and accountability. It also underscores the potential damage that can result from false claims and the impact of a high-profile deception on both personal and public perceptions.
Here are some ways to manage the Law of Grandiosity:
Regularly reflect on your intentions behind showcasing achievements or seeking admiration. Is it genuine sharing or a desire to prove your worth?
Embrace vulnerability by acknowledging your limitations and mistakes. Authenticity often garners more genuine respect than a façade of grandeur.
Focus on attainable goals and celebrate your genuine successes without the need for exaggerated narratives.
Welcome feedback from trusted individuals. Acknowledging areas for improvement displays humility and a willingness to grow.
Recognize that others might also be projecting grandiosity. Understanding their insecurities and motivations can foster empathy and healthier interactions.
Develop a solid foundation of self-worth that doesn’t rely on external validation. Genuine confidence stems from self-acceptance and personal growth.
By being mindful of the Law of Grandiosity, individuals can navigate their interactions with authenticity, humility, and a deeper understanding of themselves and others. This ultimately contributes to more meaningful connections and personal growth.
Robert Greene describes the Law of Repression as the tendency to repress or suppress certain aspects of our personality or past experiences, particularly those that are negative or might paint us in a poor light. Social norms and the desire to be accepted play a role in this. However, these repressed emotions or memories don’t just disappear; instead, they influence our behavior in subtle and sometimes unpredictable ways. They can manifest themselves in our reactions, fears, and even the choices we make, sometimes leading to self-sabotaging behaviors.
Transactional Analysis (TA) gives a perspective on this law. TA posits three ego states — Parent (P), Adult (A), Child (C) — where each ego state represents a consistent and coherent set of memories, beliefs, thoughts and observable actions. In particular, the P ego state contains recordings of past interactions with parents and parent figures, while the I ego state contains recordings of our feelings in response to those dealings. In TA, these memories are never erased, but they can be shut off.
A Ego State: This is our “here and now” state, processing information and making decisions without the baggage of past traumas or teachings. Ideally, this state would help mediate the other two, offering solutions that aren’t clouded by repressed feelings or outdated moral codes.
C Ego State: This part of our psyche replays childhood strategies, feelings, and experiences. Repressed emotions or traumas from childhood often reside here. For instance, if someone was frequently punished as a child, they might repress feelings of anger or sadness. These emotions might then emerge in adult life during moments of stress or conflict. If these emotions are mistaken to be facts pertaining to the reality of the present situation we say that the C has contaminated the A.
P Ego State: This part houses the messages we internalized from our parents or parental figures. Repression can also manifest here, especially if there were strict behavioral norms or moral codes enforced. Someone might suppress desires or behaviors that were deemed “bad” by their parents, only for these to emerge in different ways in adulthood. If these messages are mistaken to be facts pertaining to the reality of the present situation we say that the P has contaminated the A.
It is not contamination when the A is aware where the emotions and past messages are coming from. If the P and C are repressed the A might not be aware it is being contaminated.
In TA, repressed emotions or behaviors might emerge when an individual “switches” or cathects ego states in response to a stimulus. For instance, someone might generally operate from their Adult ego state but switch to their Child state in moments of high emotion. Cathexis is not a problem in a well-adjusted person, i.e, whose A state is able to mediate the messages from the other two ego states. But if either the P or C is repressed cathexis could be shocking for its abrupt and unexpected nature.
While the Law of Repression isn’t a principle of Transactional Analysis in the same direct manner as in other psychological frameworks, the idea of repressed emotions influencing current behaviors is certainly present. Through ego state analysis and other TA tools, one can uncover and address these repressed issues.
Examples of repression and the surprising emergence abound in daily life.
Personal Relationships. Someone who was constantly criticized as a child might repress feelings of inadequacy. When they enter a romantic relationship as an adult, these feelings can resurface in the form of jealousy or insecurity and then taken for objective fact, even if their partner gives no reason for such feelings.
Work Environment. Imagine someone who was bullied in school and has repressed feelings of anger and resentment. Later in life, in a professional setting, they might overreact to criticism or perceive slights where there are none, viewing colleagues as “enemies” even in a collaborative environment.
Decision Making. A person who experienced financial instability in their childhood might repress their fears about money. As an adult, they might become overly cautious or excessively reckless with finances, driven by those deep-seated fears they haven’t addressed.
Here are a three approaches from Transactional Analysis to manage the Law of Repression: stroking redecision, and script analysis. The aim is to become self aware. The first step is to recognize which ego state one is operating from and identifying patterns of behavior or response. Recognize the signs when you’re reacting that they may represent repressed feelings rather than the current situation. Writing about your feelings and experiences can offer clarity. Over time, you might start to see patterns or triggers that point to deeper, repressed issues.
Note that it is not always possible or even desirable to identify the exact situation in the past that are being repressed. It is more important just to realize that the A state can moderate these feelings and messages, perhaps even using them effectively as data in reasoned thought.
Stroking. In TA, a stroke is a basic unit of recognition. Positive strokes can help an individual address and move past repressed emotions by providing positive reinforcement or feedback.
Stroking encompasses both verbal and nonverbal communication acts of recognition, validation, or attention that we give and receive from others. It’s a fundamental aspect of human interaction and is used to describe the way individuals seek and exchange social and emotional recognition.
In the context of TA, strokes can be positive (affirming and validating) or negative (disapproving or critical), and they play a significant role in shaping a person’s self-esteem, sense of identity, and overall psychological well-being. Strokes can be physical (like a hug or a pat on the back), verbal (compliments or comments), or even non-verbal (smiles, nods, eye contact, etc.).
Here are a few key points about strokes in Transactional Analysis:
Stroke economy. People have a basic need for strokes, and they will seek out or generate strokes to fulfill this need. The exchange of strokes is often described in terms of “stroke economy.” Individuals will engage in behaviors that elicit the type of strokes they desire, whether it’s seeking praise or attention, or even engaging in self-destructive behaviors to garner negative strokes if they’re feeling neglected.
Stroking patterns. Stroking patterns can be formed early in life based on the interactions an individual has with caregivers and significant others. These patterns can influence a person’s behavior, relationships, and emotional well-being. For instance, someone who grew up receiving primarily negative strokes might develop a tendency to seek out negative attention as adults.
Stroking and relationships. Strokes are a critical aspect of interpersonal relationships. Positive strokes contribute to building rapport, trust, and a sense of connection. However, negative strokes can also have an impact on relationships, sometimes leading to conflicts or distancing.
Awareness and choice. Individuals in therapy are encouraged to become aware of their stroking patterns, both in terms of seeking and giving strokes. This awareness allows them to make conscious choices about their behavior and interactions with others.
Strokes and script. A “cript refers to a person’s life plan or narrative, often influenced by early decisions and experiences. Stroking patterns can be related to the scripts individuals adopt, reinforcing or challenging certain aspects of their life stories.
Stroking can provide insights into how people interact, why they seek certain types of attention, and how these dynamics influence their psychological well-being and relationships.
Redecision therapy. This is a branch of TA that focuses on helping individuals “redecide” behaviors or feelings based on outdated or repressed information.
Redecision is a therapeutic process in which individuals revisit and change decisions they made during their childhood that have been influencing their thoughts, feelings, behaviors, and life patterns in negative ways.
A decision is a significant conclusion or belief that a person forms based on their experiences, often during childhood. These decisions can become ingrained and continue to shape a person’s attitudes and behaviors throughout their life. Redecision involves identifying these early decisions and then consciously re-evaluating and modifying them to create healthier and more adaptive life patterns.
Redecision typically involves the following steps:
Identifying early decisions: The therapist works with the individual to identify key decisions they made during their formative years that might be contributing to their current struggles or conflicts.
Challenging old decisions. These early decisions are examined critically to determine whether they are still valid or beneficial in the person’s current life circumstances. Often, these decisions are outdated or based on incomplete information.
Revising decisions. The individual is guided through a process of reevaluating and rewriting these early decisions. This might involve imagining alternative scenarios or considering different perspectives on the events that led to those decisions.
Integration. Once the individual has revised their early decisions, they work on integrating these new perspectives into their self-concept and identity. This integration process can lead to increased self-awareness, personal growth, and positive behavioral changes.
Redecision aligns with the broader goal of helping individuals gain insight into their patterns of behavior, improve their relationships, and develop a healthier sense of self. By recognizing and modifying old, often limiting decisions, individuals can transform their lives by making more conscious and adaptive choices.
Script Analysis. Everyone has a life script, which is a sort of unconscious life plan based on childhood experiences. By analyzing this script, one can uncover repressed emotions or traumas that are influencing present-day behavior.
Script analysis explores and understands an individual’s life plan or narrative, often developed during childhood, that guides their thoughts, feelings, behaviors, and interactions throughout their life. It’s a way of examining the underlying patterns and decisions that shape a person’s identity and guide their choices.
A script is the unconscious life plan that a person develops based on their early experiences, particularly significant events and relationships. This script becomes a template that influences how they perceive themselves, others, and the world around them. Script analysis seeks to uncover the hidden beliefs, decisions, and patterns that are at the core of a person’s psychological makeup.
Here are some key components of script analysis in Transactional Analysis.
Early decisions. Script analysis involves identifying significant decisions and conclusions made during childhood that continue to influence a person’s thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. These decisions are often formed in response to critical events or interactions with caregivers and significant others.
Drivers. Eric Berne (1910-1970), the founder of Transactional Analysis, identified a set of common negative life drivers that often shape people’s scripts. These drivers include messages like “Be Perfect,” “Try Hard,” “Be Strong,” and “Please Others.” These drivers influence a person’s behavior and can lead to repetitive patterns.
Parental and Cultural Influences. A person’s script is often influenced by the beliefs, values, and behaviors of their parents or primary caregivers. Cultural and societal norms also play a role in shaping a person’s script.
Redecision. Script analysis often leads to the concept of redecision (see above), where individuals have the opportunity to consciously reevaluate and modify the decisions they made earlier in life. This process allows them to challenge and change patterns that are no longer serving them well.
Strokes and Games. Script analysis is closely tied to the concepts of strokes (social and emotional recognition) and games (repetitive, often dysfunctional patterns of interaction). Understanding one’s script can shed light on why certain games are played and why individuals seek particular strokes.
Transformation. The goal of script analysis is to help individuals gain insight into their unconscious patterns, understand how these patterns are influencing their lives, and make conscious choices to change and reshape their script. This process can lead to personal growth, improved relationships, and a more fulfilling life.
Script analysis is a powerful tool for self-discovery and personal development. It allows individuals to examine the origins of their thoughts and behaviors, challenge unhelpful patterns, and create a more authentic and fulfilling life story.
The Law of Repression points out that we all have hidden aspects of ourselves that influence our behaviors. By recognizing and addressing these shadows, we can attain a greater understanding of ourselves and navigate life with greater authenticity and clarity.
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