I came across this interesting article (https://www.choosingtherapy.com/social-media-self-esteem/) as I was trying to find examples of how online interactions reflect self esteem. It seems from this article that, although social media as a cause is difficult to establish, evidence is strong that spending lots of time on it increases the risk for low self esteem.
The part of the article that grabbed my attentions was this:
Research suggests that problematic social media use can notably disrupt the development of healthy self-esteem for some individuals. The “cyber self,” or who you are in a digital context, is an idealized self-concept, allowing for a potential “new you” online.
Youth and many adults spend much time assembling, creating, and experimenting with their “cyber selves” by interacting with others online. These crafted selves rely on a steady flow of carefully curated selfies and feedback.
J. Fortunato, “Social Media and Self-esteem: 8 Possible Impacts”
The author describes a process not very unlike the experience of discovering our comfortable selves when we were teenagers. We experimented, we got feedback. Teenagers have curated their appearance for as long as there were teenagers.
And adults, too. A striking example is Queen Elizabeth I (1533-1603) of England who carefully went over every portrait every made of her, approving only what showed her as young and healthy. The white make-up she used to hide her wrinkles contained lead. Under that thick white paint her skin was crawling with lesions, her teeth were rotting, and her mind was decomposing.
Queen Elizabeth I did things to herself that were dangerous and deadly, in order for her to be remembered in the public eye as young and beautiful. This certainly was the effect on her enemies. Modern Elizabeths on social media do not use lead paint — Photoshop suffices.
Sometimes the person you see in front of you is the person in the photos. Sometimes, it’s not. The more curated pictures that person has, the greater the shock on realizing how different the person really is. Now, is this a problem?
Maybe, maybe not. Like Queen Elizabeth, people have good reasons for projecting an image that’s different from the real thing. She was a clever Queen, and so is every company that has ever advertised itself.
So what about social media will show a person to have low self esteem? Not the pictures, but the words. It takes a skilled writer to hide low self esteem in written works. Some writers are so good that even their low self image is seen by others as an asset, something that makes the writer more human, relatable and charismatic. And then, the caveat: the words that are now permanent reflect a mood that was not. Therefore, it’s not easy to find something in social media, or in any written work, that will clearly point to low self esteem.
As if it mattered. I don’t really care about a person’s self esteem as reflected in social media, or their self esteem in general. Whether their use of social media is making them devalue themselves is something they have to work out themselves. My concern in the matter is whether their interactions with me now are unproductive because they are too toxic.
I’ll end this reflection with words from another British politician Benjamin Disraeli (1804-1881), words that highlight the significance of a consistent, dignified, and professional public image. It discourages public disputes, values discretion, and promotes transparency and honesty. In private, they are the marks of a person one can do good business with.
“Never complain, never explain.”
Attributed to Benjamin Disraeli, British Prime Minister
An article about that motto can be found here: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Never_complain,_never_explain
And as to my own policy about social media? I don’t take selfies.
(Q.C., 240112)