Ethics

Busyness

| jaylazzo
Image: https://businessmagazinegainesville.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/inventionofbusyness_preview.jpeg

“Kind of like the opposite of procrastination, is extreme work,” began Coach. “Busyness is that state of having a lot of activities, tasks, or responsibilities to deal with at once. While being busy can sometimes be productive and fulfilling, and we certainly promote you for extraordinary output, work and ambition can also become overwhelming and lead to stress, burnout, and reduced quality of life when not managed well. We don’t want to lose people that way.

“Risk factors? Here are a few,

Risk Factors for Chronic Busyness:

  1. Overcommitment: Making too many promises, whether in personal or professional life.
  2. Workplace Culture: In some work environments, there is a culture that values busyness as a sign of importance or dedication. We try to balance things in this company. If we have to work overtime, at least it is seasonal, and you very well know how we encourage breaks.
  3. Poor Time Management: Some people just don’t know how to manage their time. They procrastinate, meaning they do low priority work first. I remember a video I saw when I was in college. It was about how to make a to-do list. He said, “Start with A’s, not with C’s”.
  4. Technology: Constant connectivity through phones and emails can make it difficult to disconnect and lead to an incessant sense of busyness. That explains our filters.
  5. Fear of Missing Out (FOMO): The desire to be involved in everything can cause individuals to overextend themselves. This happens mostly to our younger employees, but even some of our older ones too, except they tend to manage them better. I and all the other executives do NOT have serious social media activities. I have a FB account that I visit rarely. In fact, don’t contact me there.
  6. Perfectionism: Wanting everything to be perfect might lead to spending too much time on tasks. In this company, though, we discourage this through our policy of being encouraging towards making mistakes. Creative people with initiative make more mistakes. I tell them “Fail fast.”
  7. Personal Identity: Some individuals tie their self-worth to being busy. I used to be in this crowd, until I met Mr. D. He makes record sales and still plays golf twice a week. The guy won a tournament two months ago.

Symptoms of Chronic Busyness:

  1. Constantly Feeling Rushed: Always hurrying from one task to another.
  2. Increased Stress Levels: Constantly feeling overwhelmed or anxious due to the volume of tasks. By the way Jed, your annual physicals are in three months, don’t forget, it’s part of your performance review.
  3. Decline in Performance and Quality of Work: Not having enough time to properly focus on each task.
  4. Fatigue and Burnout: Physical and emotional exhaustion from the continual workload.
  5. Reduced Personal and Family Time: Neglecting personal relationships and hobbies.
  6. Difficulty in Relaxing: Even during downtime, feeling like you should be doing something productive.
  7. Frequent Illness: A weakened immune system due to chronic stress.

Techniques to Manage and Overcome Chronic Busyness:

  1. Prioritization: Determine which tasks and responsibilities are most important and focus on those.
  2. Time Management: Use tools such as calendars, planners, or apps to organize and allocate time more efficiently.
  3. Learn to Say No: It’s important to understand your limits and decline additional responsibilities when necessary. Learn to say NO.
  4. Set Boundaries: Create clear boundaries, especially with technology. This might include setting specific times for checking emails or social media.
  5. Delegate: If possible, delegate tasks to others to lighten your workload. It’s also a form of training others.
  6. Mindfulness and Meditation: Practice mindfulness or meditation to stay present and reduce stress.
  7. Schedule Downtime: Actively schedule time for relaxation and activities you enjoy. In fact, I encourage you to goof off every time you make a big sale.
  8. Re-evaluate Goals and Responsibilities: Periodically assess your commitments and goals to ensure they align with your values and desired lifestyle.
  9. Seek Support: Talk to friends, family, me, or any competent professional about your experience. Sometimes just talking about what you’re going through can be very helpful.
  10. Focus on Efficiency: Look for ways to accomplish tasks more efficiently. This might include batching similar tasks, eliminating unnecessary steps, or using technology to streamline processes.

“Strike a balance between productivity and well-being. Chronic busyness is not sustainable in the long term, and taking steps to manage it is crucial for maintaining health and happiness.

“Let’s talk next about a contrasting issue, a phobia for making commitments.”

(Baguio, 230624)

Procrastination

| jaylazzo

“I don’t want to postpone this session, Jed,” began Coach.

“Thanks, Coach,” replied Jed, laughing.

“Procrastination,” began Coach, “is the act of delaying or postponing tasks or actions. It involves avoiding doing something that needs to be done, often in favor of doing something more enjoyable or comfortable. While it’s common for people to procrastinate occasionally, chronic procrastination can have negative effects on productivity, performance, and mental health.

Image: https://www.manastha.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/08/procrastination-2.jpg

Risk Factors for Procrastination:

  1. Lack of Motivation: Clearly, not being motivated or interested in the task at hand can make individuals more likely to give up difficult tasks for easier ones.
  2. Fear of Failure: When people are afraid that they might not succeed, they might avoid even trying.
  3. Perfectionism: The belief that everything must be perfect, all your tools, all your data should be there, can be paralyzing.
  4. Decision Fatigue: I think that most people avoid the tedious stuff because they’re just tired. And when you’re tired, the thought of more effort causes you pain. Procrastination is an analgesic. And what’s the cause of the tiredness? Decision fatigue. That’s also why you delegate.
  5. Impulsivity and Poor Time Management: Being impulsive can lead to prioritizing immediate gratification over long-term goals, and poor time management skills can contribute to procrastination, although I think it’s more out of fatigue of some sort.
  6. Low Self-Efficacy: Believing that one lacks the abilities to successfully complete a task can lead to procrastination. What else can I say, Jed? Your thoughts lead to actions. You can choose to believe and trust your training, or you could choose not to. You choose!
  7. Mental Health Issues: In some cases, anxiety, depression, or ADHD can make procrastination more likely. We’ve seen more of these coming out of the COVID pandemic. The jury is still out on the why’s of that.

Symptoms of Procrastination:

  1. Chronic Delaying: Regularly putting off tasks for later.
  2. Lack of Focus: Having trouble concentrating on the task at hand.
  3. Guilt and Anxiety: Feeling guilty or anxious about not completing tasks.
  4. Low Productivity: Despite being busy, not much gets accomplished.
  5. Missed Deadlines: Consistently failing to meet deadlines.
  6. Decline in Performance: A noticeable drop in the quality of work or performance.
  7. Avoidance Behavior: Engaging in alternative activities to avoid the necessary task.

Techniques to Overcome Procrastination:

  1. Break Tasks into Smaller Steps: Large tasks can be overwhelming. Breaking them down into smaller, baby steps are more manageable. And they build up a pattern of success more easily, which is very good for motivating.
  2. Set Specific Goals and Deadlines: Set clear goals and deadlines. You know what writers say? There’s nothing like a deadline to boost productivity! And here’s another thing they say. When you end your writing for the day, end it as an unfinished sentence in the middle of an unfinished paragraph. You’ll wake up the next day wanting to finish that! And then do it all over again. Smart, if you ask.
  3. Use a Timer: We saw the Pomodoro Technique that involves working for short, focused bursts, followed by a break. Other related techniques include putting down your pencils the moment you see the sun set.
  4. Minimize Distractions: Create a conducive working environment by removing distractions like social media, or noisy environments. What some people do is escape to an unknown place, known only to their secretary in case of emergencies. They stay there for an hour or two to get work done in total quiet. I had a colleague who disconnects his internet between certain hours. And for writing I sometimes use JDarkroom.
  5. Reward Yourself: Set up a system of rewards for completing tasks. Ice cream.
  6. Change Your Mindset: Sometimes, changing the way you think about a task can make it seem less daunting. The same task, you can make look challenging and fun. Focus on the benefits of completing the task rather than the effort it takes. The Japanese also taught us the method of just starting. Instead of thinking about going to the gym, just think about putting on your sneakers. Things follow from there.
  7. Seek Support or Therapy: In cases where procrastination is linked to mental health issues or deeply ingrained habits, seeking the help of a psychologist or counselor can be beneficial.
  8. Time Management Techniques: Use calendars, to-do lists, or other tools to help manage your time effectively. We have different ways of doing that. Some like doing it precisely. I like scheduling in blocks, say, “Administrative email and all things administrative” between 9 and 10:30.
  9. Practice Self-compassion: Be kind to yourself. Understand that it’s okay to not be perfect and that making progress is more important than perfection. It might help to think that mediocrity is not necessarily a shame. You can’t have all excellent people in this world.
  10. Prioritize: Determine which tasks are most important and focus on those first.

“Remember, Jed, that overcoming procrastination is something you’ll have to manage all your life. It’s a not usually a moral fault, it’s not laziness. It’s more of pain, tiredness. If you can think differently, and get a bit of rest, that should be very effective.”

(Q.C. 230622)

Perfectionism

| jaylazzo

“Perfectionism,” said Coach, “is the tendency to set unrealistically high standards and excessively critical evaluations of your own performance. It can be influenced by several risk factors, has a range of symptoms, and can be managed through various techniques, as we saw earlier.”

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Risk Factors for Perfectionism:

  1. Parental Expectations and Criticism: Children who grow up with parents who have very high expectations and are critical of their efforts may develop perfectionistic tendencies.
  2. Cultural Pressures: Certain cultures or social environments that highly value achievement and success may contribute to the pressure to be perfect.
  3. Educational or Occupational Environment: High-pressure educational or work environments where only the best is accepted can foster this stressful mindset.
  4. Personality Traits: Individuals with traits such as high neuroticism, anxiety, or conscientiousness are more likely to develop even what may appear as personality disorders.
  5. Fear of Failure or Rejection: An underlying fear of failure or rejection can lead individuals to try to be perfect, and to crucify themselves otherwise.

Symptoms of Perfectionism:

  1. Procrastination: The perfectionist avoids projects due to fear of not meeting high standards. He is waiting for everything to be in place, or so he excuses himself.
  2. Excessive Checking and Re-doing Tasks: I knew a man way back who could never finish because he spent too much time checking or redoing his work. We stepped in to finish it. He was, fortunately, brilliant. But we couldn’t fix the other demons in his head. He resigned.
  3. Reluctance to Delegate: There’s this other guy in our team who just couldn’t ask for help! We’d see him languishing, sometimes complaining but generally telling us everything was fine. Until we knew it wasn’t. He had high standards, all right, but only he could meet them, he thought.
  4. Chronic Dissatisfaction: I had a boss once who could not be satisfied by nearly everything we did, and could not be satisfied with anything she did. Eventually she was promoted, then fired.
  5. Excessive Worry and Anxiety: My grandmother used to worry a lot, but that was not really a problem because we could see she was not immobilized by it. In fact, we think it’s why she lived to 104. Constant worry about making mistakes or not meeting standards and then being paralyzed, that’s the problem.
  6. Physical Symptoms: Man, we see this all the time: headaches, muscle tension, or digestive problems due to constant stress. Doc Martin says even cancer, and serious complications from COVID are part of this, too.
  7. Depression or Low Self-esteem: The worst thing about repeated self-criticism and the feeling that one is never good enough is that it leads to a vicious cycle that in the worst cases leads to the worst possible outcomes. Fortunately, no one in the history of this office has ever thrown himself into the path of a train.

Techniques for Managing Perfectionism:

  1. Set Realistic Goals: So, this is where we begin solving the issue: the perfectionist should assess his goals to ensure they are achievable and realistic. Break them into smaller, more manageable steps. It’s like eating in a fiesta. A little here, a little there.
  2. Practice Self-compassion: Take breaks, man. Be kinder to yourself. Recognize that everyone makes mistakes and that it’s a normal part of life. Later on I’ll tell you about being completely free in choosing your thoughts.
  3. Delegate and Trust Others: Understand that it’s okay for others to take responsibility, and in fact, this is one way that will make you a great leader. Trust, and if you have good people, they will not do it exactly as you would. And you’ll be glad.
  4. Embrace the “Good Enough” Principle: You don’t have to be perfect in everything! Accept that sometimes good enough is sufficient for the task at hand. I would even suggest that sometimes, where it’s not dangerous or counterproductive, you deliberately mess things up a bit. Explains why my desk is sometimes disorderly.
  5. Limit Checking and Re-doing: I love this question: when do you stop editing? Set a time limit to the number of times you will check your work. The Pomodoro technique is an excellent tool. Get a timer and set it for 25 min. Work intensely within that time, then stop. Take a 5 min breather. Then repeat the cycle. Two cycles in total should be average.
  6. Seek Feedback: Ask trusted colleagues or friends for feedback on your work to gain a more realistic perspective. In fact, do more than that: ask them what’s wrong about your work. Then ask them for help. You’ll be surprised how people generally feel good about themselves when others give them the opportunity to help.
  7. Mindfulness and Relaxation Techniques: Engage in practices like meditation or deep breathing to manage anxiety. I know a good place where you can practice Zen meditation in this office: in your office.
  8. Professional Help: In cases where perfectionism is severely impacting one’s life, we might be seeing a manic-obsessive condition. It will require the help of a psychologist or counselor in the worst of cases.

“Let me emphasize, it’s important to strive for excellence, but don’t let the pursuit of perfection destroy you. Work was made for man, not the other way around.

“I said to take breaks. Now there’s a version of that which is a problem. We will look at procrastination next,” said Coach as he finished his coffee.

(Q.C. 230622)

Imposter syndrome

| jaylazzo

Coach told Jed that he might be at risk for Imposter’s Syndrome. What is this syndrome? What causes it? And how can we address it?

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Imposter Syndrome refers to the psychological pattern where individuals doubt their accomplishments and have a persistent, internalized fear of being exposed as a “fraud.” It can affect people from various backgrounds and professions. Here are the risk factors, symptoms, and techniques for managing Imposter Syndrome:

Risk Factors for Imposter Syndrome:

  1. High Achiever Personality: Individuals who are high achievers or perfectionists are more likely to experience imposter syndrome as they might set unrealistically high expectations for themselves.
  2. Family Expectations and Dynamics: Growing up in a family with high expectations or where worth is equated with achievement can contribute to the development of imposter syndrome.
  3. New Challenges or Environments: Starting a new job, entering a prestigious academic program, or taking on new responsibilities can trigger imposter feelings.
  4. Belonging to a Minority Group: Members of minority groups or those who feel different from their peers in terms of race, gender, or other characteristics might feel like outsiders and question their achievements.
  5. Lack of Representation: Not seeing others like oneself in similar roles or fields can exacerbate the feelings of being an imposter.

Symptoms of Imposter Syndrome:

  1. Constant Need for Validation: Seeking excessive validation and approval for one’s work or actions.
  2. Attributing Success to External Factors: Believing that successes are due to luck, timing, or deceiving others into thinking one is more competent than believed.
  3. Fear of Failure: Avoiding challenges due to the fear of not meeting one’s own or others’ expectations.
  4. Overworking: Putting in long hours to avoid being discovered as a fraud.
  5. Downplaying Achievements: Minimizing or ignoring one’s achievements, often feeling like they are not enough.
  6. Avoiding Showcasing Expertise: Holding back from contributing to discussions or projects for fear of being exposed as unknowledgeable.

Techniques for Managing Imposter Syndrome:

  1. Acknowledge and Reflect: Recognize the thoughts and feelings associated with imposter syndrome and reflect on how they may be irrational or exaggerated.
  2. Reframe Thoughts: Shift the narrative in your mind from negative self-talk to more positive and realistic thoughts.
  3. Celebrate Achievements: Take time to acknowledge and celebrate your achievements, however small they may be.
  4. Build a Support Network: Surround yourself with supportive friends, mentors, or colleagues who understand your experiences and can offer perspective.
  5. Seek External Feedback: Request feedback from others to gain a more objective view of your abilities and accomplishments.
  6. Develop a Growth Mindset: Understand that everyone is continuously learning, and it’s okay not to know everything. View challenges as opportunities for growth.
  7. Practice Self-compassion: Treat yourself with kindness and understanding, acknowledging that no one is perfect and everyone makes mistakes.
  8. Professional Help: If imposter syndrome is severely impacting your life or mental health, don’t hesitate to seek the help of a psychologist or counselor.

Understanding and acknowledging Imposter Syndrome is the first step in overcoming it. Employing these strategies can help in building confidence and a more realistic assessment of one’s abilities and achievements.

“Powerful, Coach,” said Jed. “Which makes me wonder, I have all these issues, how many of them are legit?”

“All of them!”, replied Coach. “But then, of course, I’ll try to simplify it. You’ll have to listen carefully, though because they have many names. But it really boils down to one thing: putting yourself in the center of the universe. So let’s look at you in that bad place. Let’s look at Perfectionism.

(Q.C. 230618)

What are some regrets I’ve had in my life?

| jaylazzo

I’ve researched what people often regret in life. Below is a non-comprehensive list. They probably get worse the older you get.

1. Not going after what truly excites you: It sucks when you look back and regret not pursuing your passions or taking a shot at what you really love. Yet, more than 90% of us are not making a living out of what we thought was our passion. So, for a lot of people it is “love what you do”, not “do what you love”. Since love is choice, we can love ANYTHING.

2. Neglecting quality time with loved ones: It’s a bummer when you realize you didn’t spend enough fun and meaningful moments with your family and friends. A cousin of mine who lost both parents way crying as she encouraged me and my other cousins to “PLEASE spend time with your parents.” Thank, forgive, apologize, before they die.

3. Not taking care of yourself: So, you’re 40, and you didn’t pay attention to your own health, both physically and mentally. Taking up jogging at 40 sounds exciting at first, but within 2 weeks you’ll regret it. I suggest don’t think about “run 1 km“; but “put on running shoes“, and let the run take its course. Two months of this and you won’t want to stop.

4. Not taking risks or grabbing opportunities: You might regret not having been bold enough to take risks, try new things, or jump on opportunities. So, you fell for a scam, you worked with people who betrayed you. Be glad, friend. It’s better to regret the things you did than the things you didn’t do. With what you learned, you can swim with sharks.

5. Not expressing your feelings: The elephant in the room can’t be tamed for long. Bottling up emotions can lead to unresolved issues destroying mental and physical health and personal relations. I recently heard a speech about missed opportunities delivered in a birthday party. But, the celebrant in fact appreciated it. The truth really does set you free.

6. Not investing in personal growth: For a guy in his 20’s, incompetence is excusable. But you’re in your 30’s and you’re not an expert in anything. It’s never too late to be good at something, anything. It’s also why I’m not in favor of early retirement, unless it’s to do something really challenging. And now that you’re at it, aim to be the BEST, or you won’t even be GOOD.

7. Not being smart with money: Money regrets are life threatening: overspending, debt, zero retirement funds. Most people do not plan because they don’t know how, or they don’t care. That street vendor is inspiring, but this guy Garfield — former head of a research unit in a university — has no job, no pension, no retirement. Poverty is tough, but laziness is demeaning.

8. Not standing up for yourself: Why do people let people walk all over them? If this is your problem, ask why you allow it. Because a childhood friend of mine, JC, would have none of it. He was constantly bullied because he was small, dark, and ugly. One day in 4th grade, as his mates were bullying him yet again, he pulled out a machete concealed in his bag, and brandished it. The bullying stopped. Forever. He also became a leader among those people, a competitive black belt karateka, and a successful owner of a logistics company.

9. Not enjoying the present moment: The past and the future do not exist. If you’re an absent-minded genius, find a friend who will anchor you to the present. Or a wife. David Helfgott is one of greatest concert pianists today; he was also treated for severe mental health issues over decades. But he found a loving and supportive wife in the late Gillian Murray Helfgott.

10. Not staying true to yourself: I love Aubrey Plaza, especially her Wood Milk commercial: she doesn’t give a s**t about being cancelled. Jordan Peterson, too, who has been cancelled many times and is still wildly influential. Minstrels in the Middle Ages played this role and were protected for it: to be the truth tellers in a court swimming in lies and wishful thinking.

Don’t get me wrong: “authentic”, “risk”, “expressing feelings” are double-edged swords. A more precise word would be PURPOSE: be true to your purpose.

Then you’ll always have something to be thankful for.

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(Q.C. 230603)

On Kindness

| jaylazzo

Let’s talk about kindness, one of the most underrated but most powerful things in the world.

First, what is kindness? Simply put, it’s being nice. But dig a little deeper, you’ll see it’s more than that. It’s about empathy, compassion, and treating people with respect. It’s about the small things, like saying “please” and “thank you”, holding a door open for someone, or just giving a friendly smile to a stranger.

It’s also about the bigger things, like going out of your way to help someone who’s struggling, standing up for people who are being treated unfairly, or lending an ear to someone who just needs to vent. Kindness is a mindset, a lifestyle, a choice to put others before ourselves and make the world a little brighter.

Why is kindness so important? For one, it makes people feel good. I mean, how do you feel when someone is kind to you? Like sunshine on a cloudy day? That’s the power of kindness. It transforms moods, uplift spirits; it makes us feel valued and appreciated.

Kindness is also a moral duty. The Stoics, a school of philosophers from Ancient Greece and Rome, saw kindness as a part of justice, which means treating people the right way. The Roman Seneca (4 B.C. – A.D. 65) wrote loads about kindness. He believed that being kind is a win-win – it helps the person you’re being kind to, but it also helps you by building mutual respect. Showing kindness was about doing your part to make the world a better place.

Plus, kindness has a ripple effect, like throwing a pebble in a pond. One act of kindness can inspire others to do the same, creating a wave of positivity that can reach far and wide. Mother Teresa (1910-1997) once said:

“Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless.”

Mother Teresa of Calcutta

And let’s not forget the benefits to ourselves. Studies have shown that being kind can reduce stress, increase happiness, and even make us live longer. So, in a way, kindness is like a magic potion for a healthier and happier life. It’s good for the soul.

When and how can we be kind? Anytime and anywhere. Kindness doesn’t have to be planned or staged. It can be spontaneous, instinctive, just a natural response to the situations and people around us.

But hold on, is there ever a time when we shouldn’t be kind? It’s not exactly black and white. Being kind doesn’t mean we should let people take advantage of us or cross our boundaries. Kindness isn’t about being a doormat.

Left to right: Jordan Peterson. Seneca. Marcus Aurelius. Mother Teresa of Calcutta.

Jordan Peterson, a Canadian clinical psychologist and professor, has talked a lot about being “nice.” He says there’s a big difference between being “nice” and just being “agreeable.” Agreeable people are super friendly, always looking for harmony, and don’t really like getting into fights or disagreements. But Peterson warns against being too agreeable because you might end up not standing up for yourself, letting people walk all over you, or avoiding arguments that need to happen.

He’s saying, don’t mistake being “nice” for being weak or letting people take you for a ride. It’s great to be kind, thoughtful, and respectful, but you also must stand up for yourself, set boundaries, and speak up about what you think and feel. A Stoic would say: walk away if you have to.

Stoics, however, wouldn’t be unkind on purpose; that would only show a lack of emotional control, a lack of maturity. Negative vibes can lead to being unkind and should be controlled. Marcus Aurelius (121-180), Roman Emperor and philosopher, wrote a lot about trying to understand people, even those who might have hurt us, and responding with reason and goodness and firmness, instead of anger.

You can totally be “nice” and still be strong and assertive.

How to be nice in the right way? Here’s what we can piece together from the writings of Peterson, the Stoics, and others:

1. Honest Self-Reflection: Understand yourself and your emotions. To manage negative emotions, you need to be aware of them first.

2. Responsibility: Take ownership of your emotions. Do not blame anyone for how you feel, and do not let anyone determine how you should feel.

3. Assertiveness, not Aggression: Assertive is not the same as aggressive. Express yourself and stand up for your needs without having to explain it to others, without resorting to aggression or unkindness. Being kind to others doesn’t mean to neglect being kind to yourself. Say “no” when you need to, set boundaries, negotiate to get what you want.

4. Purpose and Meaning: Have a purpose in life. A strong sense of purpose buffers against negative emotions, helps you assert yourself agreeably, and contributes to emotional regulation.

5. Truthful Speech: Favor honest and direct communication. By speaking truthfully about your feelings and needs, you handle conflicts better and avoid resentments, which can lead to unkind behavior.

6. Ordinary acts of kindness: Smile at people. Listen to them. Show empathy. Lend a helping hand. Stand up for those who can’t defend themselves. Be there for people in their time of need. Often, it’s the small acts of kindness that make the biggest impact.

In a nutshell, kindness is about balancing emotion and reason. It is an exercise in wisdom, rational thinking, and healthy self love. Be kind, but not at the cost of your own well-being or sense of what’s fair.

And, if it is no trouble to your larger goals, show others more kindness than they deserve.

Kindness is a bridge that connects people and invites them to put their best food forward. And if we could all just sprinkle a little more kindness in the world, who knows what kind of magic we could create. Let’s get out there and spread some kindness.

(Q.C. 230602)

Igor the Generous

| jaylazzo

Once upon a time there lived a man named Igor. He was tall, his silver hair slicked back meticulously, and he always wore a serious expression on his face. He lived in a house on a hill a little overlooking the town, and the townsfolk rarely saw him.

Igor’s reputation was that of a snob. He rarely spoke to anyone, and when he did, his words were curt and his voice frosty. He had a penchant for walking alone, on the rare occasions he was out of the house, never saying more than a short greeting to everyone he met. And so, people found him standoffish and unapproachable, interpreting his aloofness as a disdain for the common man.

However, the truth about Igor was quite different. He was an introvert, finding more comfort in solitude than in crowds. Conversations with all but equally serious people like himself drained him and left him feeling flustered. Yet, he wasn’t self-absorbed as the townsfolk believed. Among his few close friends he was known as an organizer and a brilliant historian.

One day, a storm hit the town, and much of it was flooded. Those who had to leave their houses had to seek shelter in the town’s covered courts and in the classrooms of its elementary school. The townsfolk were in a panic, fearing they would soon run out of medicine and food. The local stores were quickly running out of supplies, especially toilet paper and paracetamol, and fear was creeping into every heart.

Despite the grim situation, Igor left the house and returned with a large crate of groceries and boxes. The few who saw him fueled the fire of resentment and Igor soon became the subject of hostile whispers. Many thought he was hoarding.

The next day, a little boy, Luc, mustered the courage to approach Igor’s house. His mother was ill, and they had run out of toilet paper and paracetamol. Swallowing his fear, Luc knocked on Igor’s heavy, wooden door.

Igor answered. He towered over Luc, his stern face devoid of any smile. Luc stammered out his request, asking if Igor had any toilet paper and paracetamol to spare.

To Luc’s surprise, Igor didn’t send him away. Instead, he disappeared inside his manor and reemerged with a box with both items requested, and a bottle of Le Petit Marseillais liquid soap [“Il met l’accent sur le naturel!”]. He gave it to Luc with a smile, without a word. The young boy thanked him profusely and ran off. Before reaching his house, Luc passed by the covered courts and gave the liquid soap and some of the paracetamol to Raph, a boy about his age, whose house had been demolished by the storm.

The next day, the town woke up to an incredible sight. There, in the middle of the basketball court, was a large pile of food, medicine, and other necessities. There was only a note that said “For the town, care of Dr. Olivier.” The town’s leader, Dr. Olivier was called, who put together a team, including another doctor and a nurse, to handle distribution and diagnosis. Within the hour, many townspeople came and added to the pile, which now included clothes, beddings, canned goods, diapers, and a large box of doxycycline and penicillin for those with early symptoms of leptospirosis. People who were more fit also organized themselves to cook and to bring supplies to old people living alone. The crowd was well disciplined and in good humor.

As the supplies dwindled down and the crisis abated, a box was found at the bottom of the pile, part of the original pile that had been ignored. Inside, someone discovered several T-shirts branded “Iguane d’Igor“.

Word spread quickly. Igor, the so-called snob, had purchased a large amount of supplies, but not for himself. He had risked being trapped in a flood to get many of these supplies.

A different rumor then spread. The town knew that Igor wasn’t a snob, but a very generous and courageous man, caring in his own quiet, introverted way. No one, however, asked him directly about what he had done.

It was little Luc who knocked on Igor’s door later, and thanked him again for the toilet paper, paracetamol, and soap, and also for the pile. Igor smiled, disappeared, returned to the door and offered the kid a Coke and a Kit Kat, then said bye and to take care.

Igor continued to live his quiet life, oblivious even to the town’s respect and appreciation. But in their newfound attitude, they began to notice things about the quiet man they never noticed before: that he had a pet iguana, belonged to a club of Latinists that met by Zoom every Thursday, had a masters degree in Medieval Studies, ran a profitable distribution business online, and that the prettiest girl in the next town, a virtuoso pianist and music teacher, was his fiancée.

People can tell when someone is can ignore his inconvenience, pain, and even lack of competence. Generous people just do it, never think of their help as a performance.

(Q.C. 230527)

On Courage

| jaylazzo

Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back only they didn’t. Because they were holding on to something.

Sam , in The Two Towers by J.R.R. Tolkien

We will encounter things in life that will cause us to be really afraid.  Sudden unemployment, a life-altering choice, a sudden illness, or the prospect of physical pain, fear is a fact of life in a fallen world. I heard a priest comment once that the temptation in the Garden of Even may have begun with an event like that. Somehow Eve lost heart and made wrong choices after that.

How do we stare these difficulties in the face and not lose heart? By practicing the virtue of fortitude.

What is fortitude?

Fortitude is the moral virtue that makes us firm in difficulties and constant in the pursuit of the good. It strengthens the resolve to fight temptations and to overcome obstacles in the moral life. Fortitude enables one to conquer fear, even fear of death, and to face trials and persecutions. It disposes one even to renounce and sacrifice his life in defense of a just cause. “The Lord is my strength and my song.” “In the world you have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.”

Fortitude is the ability to choose what is right even when everything inside us and outside us tells us to run away. It is the ability to stand firm in doing good in the face of danger and potential suffering.

Fortitude flows naturally from faith, hope, and charity. When we believe the promises of God (faith), and have confidence not in ourselves but in the strength of Christ (hope), and we are motivated by love (charity), we will find ourselves filled naturally with the virtue of fortitude.

Most of us don’t have to face any real danger everyday. But there are still ample opportunities for fortitude.

Before our eyes, a once great civilization, built on the bedrock of a shared faith, is falling into ruin. The tyranny of relativism attacks all that is good, beautiful and true. Those say that fornication is bad are cancelled. Those who say homosexual marriage is ugly are cancelled. Those who say science doesn’t support multiple sexes are cancelled.

Poverty is everywhere. Bullying is rampant and anonymous. Kids have access to porn. The family is crumbling. Radical Islam is on the rise. The collapse of marriage is celebrated. The list goes on and on. Enough to make us shudder to think what kids today will grow up in.

A fish living in a polluted stream cannot just jump out of it. What the fish can do is find a cove where it could work with other fish to keep that cove clean. This requires that the fish trust each other.

Jordan Peterson points to courage as a key to facing the problem of trust. In a lecture that has been viewed hundreds of thousands of times on Youtube, he begins by asking: Why should we trust people?

A naive person believes that everyone is trustworthy. But, if he gets bitten, he might decide to no longer trust anyone. But then he can not close deals, he cannot get anything done. That fish is all by itself.

So, how do you trust? Peterson says, “Not because you’re naive, and not because they couldn’t betray you, and not because you don’t know that they could betray you, but because if you hold out your hand in trust then you’re inviting the best part of that person to step forward, and that won’t happen unless you take that initial step. And that’s courage, not naivete.”

Hold your hand out, inviting the best part of people to step forward. We take the initiative. That’s courage, not naivete.

We can face those assaults by taking that first step to invite the best part of our collaborators to step forward. Now, more than ever, fortitude is needed among men, especially Catholic men. We are called to stand firm and recognize that, no matter how black things may seem, “there is good in this world, and it is worth fighting for.”

Before closing, all this brings to mind memories of the Lord of the Rings.

While the movies are not entirely faithful to the books, they do capture several key elements Tolkien was trying to convey —- one of which is the fortitude and perseverance of the humble hobbits.

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One of the key moments takes place in The Two Towers. After a long journey, Sam and Frodo are finally about to enter Mordor. They are tired, discouraged, and afraid of what awaits them. In addition, the Nazgul are hunting the two hobbits relentlessly.

Frodo, bearing the burden of the ring, is on the brink of giving up and turning for home. Sam too, is tired and afraid, but unlike Frodo, he possess an inner strength—fortitude that propels him to keep pressing on. He reminds Frodo exactly why they can’t quit.

Sam: It’s all wrong. By rights we shouldn’t even be here. But we are. It’s like in the great stories Mr. Frodo. The ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger they were, and sometimes you didn’t want to know the end. Because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad happened? But in the end, it’s only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you. That meant something. Even if you were too small to understand why. But I think, Mr. Frodo, I do understand. I know now. Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back only they didn’t. Because they were holding on to something.

Frodo: What are we holding on to, Sam?

Sam : That there’s some good in this world, Mr. Frodo. And it’s worth fighting for.

Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back, only they didn’t.

(Q.C. 230506)

Verify your Facts: The Case of the Misinformed Monkey

| jaylazzo

Once upon a time in the heart of the Cozy Canopy Forest, there lived a mischievous monkey named Prankutang. Prankutang was known for his love of speculation and wild imagination. One day, an acorn fell on his head. He put two and two together and came up with some believable real estate market forecast: the sky was falling.

As he swung from tree to tree, he chattered excitedly to anyone who would listen. “Did you hear? The Majestic Oak Mansion is moving to the other side of the forest! The Forest Council has finally made the decision! You better pack up and leave before it crushes your homes!” Prankutang’s voice was filled with a sense of urgency that made the property gossip sound all the more convincing.

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At first, the animals were skeptical, but as the hearsay spread, more and more started to believe it. The squirrels were the first to panic, scampering around in a borrowing frenzy, gathering their nuts in a rushed decision. The birds began to flap their wings nervously, pondering how they would relocate their nests. Even the wise old owl, Professor Nestor the Noteworthy, started to doubt his own data-driven market projections.

But, not all the animals were convinced. A group of fact-checking critters, led by the ever-skeptical tortoise, Inquiretort ‘Mr. Terry’ Terrance, decided to verify the facts before joining the mass exodus. They formed the “Fur-ensic Squad” and started their investigation.

As the Fur-ensic Squad traveled deeper into the forest, they consulted the Forest Council’s records, discovering no mention of The Majestic Oak Mansion’s relocation. Perplexed, they questioned the Forest Council members; most, with raised eyebrows, denied making any such decision.

The Fur-ensic Squad returned to the panicked forest-dwellers, ready to debunk the rumor. But it was no easy task. The animals, already having sunk assets in a housing bubble, were not eager to listen to reason.

The Fur-ensic Squad needed a new strategy. Mr. Terry came up with a plan. He called for a grand meeting in the heart of the forest, announcing that the Forest Council would reveal the new location of TMOM. Curiosity piqued, the animals gathered to hear the news.

Once the animals had assembled, Mr. Terry called the head of the Forest Council Chairbird Chattercrest to step forward, and step forward he did. The Chairbird cleared his throat, and said, “Dear friends of the Cozy Canopy Forest, I regret to inform you that news of TMOM moving has been nothing but a rumor. That is an unfounded speculation.”

In the awkward silence that followed, the Fur-ensic Squad presented more evidence. The animals slowly began to see how a combination of laziness, excitement, and fear took them for a ride on the bandwagon fallacy. The news also caused a massive debt crisis especially among squirrel-folk that would take years fix. Prankutang was not available for comment.

The Fur-ensic Squad continued their fact-checking adventures, ensuring that the Cozy Canopy Forest remained a land of truth and laughter.

Moral of the story: Check your facts, and always be studying. Misinformation is the side effect of being uninformed. Follow the 1-10-100 rule: It takes $1 to validate a fact, $10 to correct it, and $100 to repair the chaos.