“Dependency,” began Coach, “refers to a pattern of relying excessively on others for emotional support, validation, decision-making, and problem-solving. It’s kinda like the flipside of the fear of rejection. It involves a sense of inadequacy or fear of autonomy, leading individuals to become overly dependent on others for their well-being and decision-making.

“Here are some of the risk factors for this trap:

1. Low self-esteem: Individuals with low self-esteem may seek validation and reassurance from others.
2. Childhood experiences: Traumatic or neglectful experiences in childhood can lead to some to form an attachment to people who give them better attention.
3. Fear of abandonment: Individuals with a strong fear of abandonment may feel the need to rely heavily on others to maintain a sense of security and avoid being alone. You know this, right? The clingy people? Some of them might have a dependency issue.
4. Learned helplessness: Repeated experiences of not being able to meet one’s own needs can lead to learned helplessness, meaning, they deliberately keep themselves helpless because it is rewarded with attention.
5. Lack of autonomy aevelopment: One’s past may not have provided enough opportunities to develop independence and problem-solving skills. The spoiled kid.

Techniques to Address Dependency:

1. Build self-esteem: Focus on developing a positive self-image, self-worth, and self-confidence through self-care, self-compassion, and recognizing personal strengths and achievements. Work is an especially effective way for accumulating successes, including human relations and autonomy.
2. Develop autonomy: Gradually work on increasing autonomy and decision-making skills by setting and achieving personal goals, taking responsibility for one’s actions, and seeking opportunities for growth and independence. Working in teams also develops awareness.
3. Enhance self-awareness: Reflect on and understand the underlying fears and beliefs that contribute to dependency. Explore and challenge your negative thoughts or beliefs about your abilities and worth. Feedback from team mates you trust is especially useful.
4. Establish boundaries: Learn to set and maintain healthy boundaries in relationships, balancing independence and interdependence. Learn also that others are setting boundaries, and that you, too, have to respect them.
5. Learn problem-solving skills: Develop effective problem-solving and decision-making skills to increase confidence in handling challenges independently.
6. Seek support: If the problem is difficult to manage, seek therapy or counseling to gain insight, receive guidance, and develop coping strategies to address dependency patterns.
7. Gradual exposure: Gradually expose yourself to situations that require independence and self-reliance. Start with small steps and gradually increase the level of autonomy.
8. Practice self-soothing: Learn and practice self-soothing techniques such as deep breathing, mindfulness, and self-care activities to reduce reliance on others for emotional support. Learn also how to spot demeaning language in the dialogue you have with yourself
9. Strengthen your support network: Build a support network of individuals who encourage independence, provide guidance, and offer constructive feedback and support. You work for an excellent team, Jed, and all of you have mentors.
10. Celebrate independence: Recognize and celebrate your accomplishments and moments of independence, reinforcing the belief in your own abilities.

“Overcoming the psychological trap of dependency requires self-reflection, effort, and patience. As far as I know, no one in this office looks like they need professional help from a therapist or counselor experienced in dependency issues. Instead, what we have are great teams and colleagues, and a working environment that favors honest communication, trust and respect.”

(Q.C. 230628)