“It may be that there are Lone Wolves who work like stars, like our friend Ric,” said Coach. “But they do collaborate, they’re just picky. The problem is when they are too picky. And then they can become overly judgmental.”

“Being overly critical or judgmental refers to a mindset and behavior pattern where individuals consistently and excessively criticize or pass judgment on themselves and others. In fact, Jed, I believe that in most cases when a man judges another and dislikes what he sees, he is disliking what he sees in himself. Hence, this problem brings with it a lot of negative self-talk, and ultimately, strained relationships, and a narrow perspective of the world.

“Here are some risk factors associated with being overly critical or judgmental:

Risk factors for being overly critical or judgmental:

1. Perfectionism: A strong desire for perfection and high standards can lead to excessive criticism of oneself and others.
2. Insecurity and low self-esteem: People with low self-esteem or insecurities may resort to judgment as a way to elevate their own sense of worth or maintain a sense of control.
3. Learned behavior: Growing up in an environment where criticism was prevalent or being exposed to highly critical role models can contribute to adopting an overly critical mindset.
4. Fear of rejection: The fear of being judged or rejected by others can result in projecting criticism onto others as a defense mechanism. I’ll reject before I’m rejected.
5. Cognitive biases: Cognitive biases, such as confirmation bias or negativity bias, can amplify critical or judgmental thinking patterns.

“How might we address these issues?

1. Self-awareness: Develop self-awareness regarding your tendencies to be overly critical or judgmental. Observe your thoughts and reactions when engaging in judgmental behavior.
2. Challenge assumptions and biases: Question and challenge your assumptions, biases, and preconceived notions. Consider alternative perspectives and seek evidence to challenge your critical judgments.
3. Practice empathy and understanding: Cultivate empathy and understanding towards yourself and others. Recognize that everyone has their own unique experiences and challenges that shape their behavior and choices.
4. Positive self-talk: Practice positive self-talk and self-compassion. Replace self-critical thoughts with self-affirming and supportive statements. Treat yourself with kindness and understanding.
5. Nonjudgmental observation: Practice observing situations and people without immediately attaching judgment. Be curious and open-minded, seeking to understand rather than criticize.
6. Mindfulness: Engage in mindfulness practices to increase awareness of your thoughts, judgments, and emotions. Mindfulness can help you detach from automatic critical thinking and respond more consciously.
7. Seek common ground: Look for commonalities and shared experiences with others, focusing on building connections rather than highlighting differences or faults.
8. Practice gratitude: Cultivate a sense of gratitude and appreciation for the positive aspects of yourself and others. Shift your focus towards what is good and admirable, rather than dwelling on criticisms.
9. Provide constructive feedback: When offering feedback or criticism, aim for constructive and supportive communication. Focus on specific behaviors or actions and offer suggestions for improvement instead of attacking personal qualities.
10. Continuous learning and growth: Adopt a growth mindset, recognizing that everyone is a work in progress. Embrace opportunities for learning and personal growth, viewing mistakes and failures as opportunities for improvement.

“None of this means judging and deciding who you want to work with is wrong. You don’t have to ‘like’ people to work with them. But, then again, you may just be putting too many prejudices in the way of getting to know them. Who knows?

“But there will be some that for some reason the cost of having to deal with their idiosyncracies, ideas, and work ethic might be much higher than benefits. Consider that this might be more about yourself than it is about them.

“Cultivating self-awareness, empathy, self-compassion, and practicing nonjudgmental observation, that’s the ticket to develop a more balanced and accepting perspective towards yourself and others. Over time, you can cultivate healthier thought patterns and enhance your relationships and overall well-being.”

(Q.C. 230701)