Transactional Analysis (TA) is a psychoanalytic theory and method of therapy wherein social transactions are analyzed to determine the ego state of the patient, whether parent-like, child-like, or adult-like. it’s a way to understand human behavior and communication. TA was developed by psychiatrist Eric Berne (1910-1970) in the 1950s.

Here’s a brief overview:

Ego States: Parent, Adult, Child

Parent: This state contains the behaviors, thoughts, and feelings copied from our parents or parent figures. It can be nurturing (positive) or controlling (negative). It is sometimes referred to as our taught concept of life, learned and argued from authority.

Adult: This is our ‘direct response’ state, which is concerned with the here and now. In this state, we act based on the data we receive and computations we make, behaving rationally and objectively. It is sometimes referred to as our thought concept of life, learned and argued through evidence.

Child: This state contains the behaviors, thoughts, and feelings replayed from our childhood. It can be free and expressive or adaptive and compliant, or even rebellious. It is sometimes referred to as our felt concept of life, learned and argued through feelings.

Transactions: Transactions refer to the communication exchanges between people, which are seen as coming from one of the three ego states. There are several kinds of transactions.

A complementary transaction occurs when the sender’s message gets the expected response from the receiver. The communication lines are clear, and both participants are “on the same page.” For instance, if a Parent ego state gives a directive and the Child ego state complies or reacts, the transaction is complementary. An Adult to Adult is also complementary. These transactions tend to be harmonious and can continue indefinitely unless interrupted. In most TA literature a complementary transaction is a parallel transaction.

A crossed transaction happens when an unexpected response is given to a message, leading to a breakdown in communication. Essentially, the response comes from a different ego state than the sender anticipated. For example, if the Parent ego state gives a directive (expecting a Child response of compliance or rebellion), but the recipient responds with an Adult ego state (e.g., providing logical reasoning or questioning), the lines of communication “cross.” Crossed transactions often result in misunderstandings or conflicts.

A parallel transaction of the type shown above is a fairly straightforward communication where the ego state addressed in one person is not the one that responds in the other. For example, if Person A’s Adult ego state asks a question to an Adult B, and Person B’s Child ego state answers it to Adult A, this is a parallel transaction. This can sometimes be fun.

An angular transaction is one in which one person gives an open message accompanied by a hidden message, and the second person gives an open message which is a response to the hidden message. Salesmen are experts with this. They convey their message ostensibly as Adult ego-state (factual), but the overt message contains a covert message addressed to the feelings of the Child ego-state of the customer. The Child ego-state (feelings) of the customer is seduced. However, at both levels the ultimate transaction is complementary since the customer’s reply is accepted at face value as an Adult purchasing contract.

An ulterior transaction is complex because it involves dual messages, with both an overt (explicit) and covert (hidden) message. The overt message might be coming from one ego state, but the covert message, often non-verbal, comes from a different ego state. They can be manipulative or game-like in nature. For example, Person A might offer a compliment from their Adult state (overt message) but might have a sarcastic tone indicating a negative message from the Child state (covert).

Games People Play: This is the title of Berne’s popular book on TA. Berne defines a “game” as a series of transactions that is repetitive, predictable, and often ends in some form of negative outcome for at least one participant. These games are subconscious ways people interact based on their learned life patterns. Here are some of the most important games described in the book, analyzed in terms of the ego states involved:

1. “Why Don’t You, Yes But” (YDYB)
   • Description: One person (Player A) presents a problem. Every time someone (Player B) offers a solution, Player A responds with a “Yes, but…” statement, explaining why that solution won’t work.
   • Ego States: Player A typically operates from the Child ego state, seeking attention and validation, while Player B is in the Adult ego state, trying to solve the problem. The game satisfies Player A’s need for attention without the responsibility of solving the problem.
2. “If It Weren’t For You” (IWFY)
   • Description: Player A finds fault in Player B for preventing them from doing what they want. Yet, if Player B were to change, Player A would feel lost or scared.
   • Ego States: Player A’s Child wants to do something but fears the consequences, so their Parent state blames Player B. Player B might initially respond from their Adult but may eventually shift to a defensive Child.
3. “Uproar”
   • Description: A cycle of noisy but superficial arguments between two parties, which prevents discussion of a deeper, more significant issue.
   • Ego States: Both players oscillate between their Child (expressing raw emotion) and Parent (authoritative, scolding) states. The Adult state is conspicuously absent, leading to a lack of resolution.
4. “Now I’ve Got You, You Son of a Bitch” (NIGYSOB)
   • Description: Player A finds or waits for a mistake made by Player B, then uses it as an opportunity to berate or retaliate.
   • Ego States: Player A is often in the Parent state, seizing on a mistake to assert dominance or moral superiority. Player B might react from the Child state, feeling shamed or defensive.
5. “Kick Me”
   • Description: Player A behaves in ways that invite criticism, then acts hurt or indignant when criticized.
   • Ego States: Player A’s Child state seeks negative attention, fulfilling a belief in their own worthlessness. When others criticize, their Parent state is validated, and Player A can feel wronged.
6. “Ain’t It Awful”
   • Description: A game of shared complaining, where players bond over mutual grievances.
   • Ego States: Both players operate from their Child states, seeking validation and camaraderie in shared victimhood.
7. “Look How Hard I’ve Tried”
   • Description: Player A goes to great lengths to solve a problem, often more than necessary, but ensures the efforts do not succeed, aiming to gain sympathy for their hard work.
   • Ego States: Player A’s Adult and Child states are in conflict. The Adult wants to solve the problem, but the Child wants recognition and sympathy for the effort rather than success.

Understanding these games can help individuals recognize and break patterns that lead to negative outcomes. Transactional Analysis aims to shift interactions away from these games, toward more direct, healthy communications using the Adult ego state.

If all this might be a little complicated, let’s simplify. The following schema comes from the book I’m OK, You’re OK by Thomas Anthony Harris (1910-1995).

The aim of TA is to promote more Adult to Adult transactions (upper right), leading to more direct, clear, and non-manipulative interactions. Use evidence, and address yourself primarily to the logical and reasonable side of your listener. As listener, respond to your partner also with evidence and reason, both of you grounded in the present.

Cultivating Adult-to-Adult communication requires awareness, practice, and commitment. Here are some ways to nurture this mode of communication:

1. Be self-aware. Recognize your own ego states (Parent, Adult, Child) and understand when you’re operating from each. Awareness is the first step in shifting to an Adult stance.
2. Stay in the present. The Adult ego state is grounded in the here and now. Avoid dredging up past grievances or predicting future conflicts. Focus on the current facts, needs, and circumstances.
3. Use “I” statements. Express feelings, needs, and perceptions from a personal perspective to avoid sounding blaming or accusatory. For example, say “I feel concerned about this deadline” instead of “You’re not taking this deadline seriously.”
4. Ask open-ended questions. Encourage clarity and understanding by asking questions that promote discussion rather than yes/no answers.
5. Avoid emotional triggers: Be aware of topics or phrases that might shift the conversation to a Parent-to-Child or Child-to-Child mode. Navigate or avoid these triggers when you notice them.
6. Listen actively. Truly listen to the other person, without interrupting or preparing a response in your head. Reflect back what you’ve heard to ensure understanding.
7. Seek feedback: Occasionally check with others to understand if your communication is perceived as being from the Adult ego state. This helps in refining your approach.
8. Avoid blame: Focus on problem-solving and understanding, rather than assigning blame. This promotes a collaborative atmosphere.
9. Practice assertiveness: Be clear about your needs and boundaries without being aggressive or passive. This ensures mutual respect in the communication.
10. Continuous learning: Read, attend workshops, or participate in group activities that focus on Transactional Analysis. The more you understand about TA, the better you can implement it in real-world situations.
11. Mental rehearsal: Before challenging interactions, visualize the conversation going well with both parties communicating as Adults. This mental preparation can help guide the actual conversation.
12. Limit emotional reactivity: When emotions rise, take a moment to pause and breathe. This can help reset the mind and return the focus to Adult-to-Adult communication.
13. Seek external support: Consider seeking a coach or therapist trained in TA to provide guidance, especially if you find certain patterns challenging to break.

Consistent practice and commitment to these strategies can strengthen Adult-to-Adult communication, leading to healthier and more constructive interpersonal interactions.

Next up: The Law of Compulsive Behavior.

(Q.C. 230811)