Robert Greene describes the Law of Self-sabotage as what happens when internal conflicts and unconscious biases lead individuals to act against their own best interests.

The Law of Self-sabotage suggests that often, due to unresolved internal conflicts, negative self-talk, or deeply ingrained beliefs and fears, people can sabotage their chances of success and happiness. This law underscores that many of our biggest obstacles are self-created and highlights the importance of deep self-awareness to avoid such self-defeating behaviors.

As I’ve been researching a little more intensively on Transactional Analysis (TA), I put here an example, explain self-sabotage from the point of view of TA, and suggest interventions. The analysis is made on two levels: structural (looking at the contents of Parent, Adult, and Child), and functional (looking at their behaviors, specifically through scripts and games).

The Case. Sophia has been working hard in her job and has the opportunity to present her project to the company’s board. However, despite having sufficient time to prepare, she procrastinates until the night before the presentation. Consequently, she doesn’t perform well, and the board doesn’t approve her project. Jane feels defeated and believes she’s not good enough for promotions or major responsibilities.

Analysis using TA: Structural

1. Parent Ego State:
   • Jane might have internalized critical messages from authoritative figures in her past (e.g., parents, teachers) that she’s not good enough or that she doesn’t deserve success.
   • These messages now form her “Critical Parent” voice that tells her she will fail or shouldn’t even try.
2. Adult Ego State:
   • This is the rational, data-processing part of Jane. The Adult ego state knows that with adequate preparation, she can do well in the presentation.
   • However, if not strong enough, the Adult can be overshadowed by the Parent and Child states.
3. Child Ego State:
   • The “Adaptive Child” within Jane might feel overwhelmed and anxious about the presentation, leading her to avoid the task.
   • Alternatively, the “Rebellious Child” might resist the pressure to perform and thus deliberately procrastinate.

In this scenario, Jane’s self-sabotage (procrastination and poor performance) is a result of her Child ego state acting out based on past experiences and beliefs reinforced by her Parent ego state. The immediate relief of avoiding preparation is a short-term gain for the Child ego state but leads to long-term pain and reinforces negative self-concepts.

Intervention using Transactional Analysis: For Jane to overcome this pattern, she could:

1. Strengthen her Adult Ego State: By seeking factual evidence of her capabilities and past successes, she can counteract the negative beliefs she holds about herself.
2. Dialogue with the Parent Ego State: By identifying and challenging the source of the negative beliefs (e.g., “Who told me I’m not good enough?”), she can begin to separate outdated messages from her current reality.
3. Nurture the Child Ego State: Addressing the fears and anxieties of the Child ego state is crucial. This might involve self-reassurance, seeking external support, or breaking tasks into manageable parts.

Analysis using TA: Functional

We now look into the behaviors of those three states, specifically in terms of scripts and games in Transactional Analysis:

Scripts. A script in TA is a life plan, decided in childhood, influenced by parental messages, and reinforced by experiences. This script dictates how a person lives their life, including their patterns of decision-making, relationships, and self-worth.

1. Jane’s Life Script: Given her reaction to the situation, Jane might have an underlying “I’m not good enough” or “I’ll fail” script. This script might have originated from negative messages she received during childhood about her capabilities or worth. The opportunity to present to the board may activate this script, leading her to act in ways (procrastination) that make the script’s outcome come true.
2. Script Reinforcement: Every time Jane procrastinates and then faces negative consequences (like the board’s disapproval), her script gets reinforced. It strengthens the belief in her narrative of “See, I knew I couldn’t do it.”

Games: In TA, a game is a series of transactions that lead to a predictable outcome. This outcome often confirms a person’s life script. Games are repetitive patterns of behavior that may seem irrational but serve to reinforce an individual’s script. Jane might be playing the Wooden Leg game.

A little more about the Wooden Leg game

The “Wooden Leg” game is a classic example of how individuals might use an external excuse or perceived limitation as a justification for not taking responsibility or for failing to achieve certain tasks or outcomes. The name “Wooden Leg” refers to a clear and obvious disadvantage, like having a wooden leg, but it can represent any number of self-perceived limitations or weaknesses.

Game Description:

1. Starting Position: The individual, often operating from the Child ego state, presents a limitation or an excuse for why they cannot do something or why they performed poorly. This limitation (e.g., “I have a wooden leg“) is offered as the main reason they can’t meet a particular standard or expectation.
2. External Response: People around the individual, often responding from the Parent ego state, might feel compelled to be understanding, compassionate, or lenient due to the presented limitation. They might say, “That’s okay, considering you have a wooden leg.”
3. Game Payoff: The individual successfully avoids responsibility or lowers expectations due to the perceived limitation. They feel justified in their inability to meet the standard or achieve the task.

Underlying Dynamics:

The “Wooden Leg” game serves several psychological purposes:

1. Avoidance of Responsibility: By focusing on the limitation, the individual avoids taking responsibility for their actions or inactions.
2. Validation of Script: If the individual’s life script contains beliefs like “I’m not capable” or “I’m always at a disadvantage,” the game reinforces and validates this script.
3. Gaining Sympathy: The game allows the player to receive sympathy, care, or lowered expectations from others.

Critique:

While it’s crucial to acknowledge and accommodate genuine limitations, the “Wooden Leg” game uses these limitations as consistent crutches to avoid responsibility or growth. Over time, this can limit personal development and maintain unhelpful life scripts.

In the context of therapy or self-growth, recognizing and challenging the “Wooden Leg” game can be a step toward taking more responsibility and seeking growth beyond self-imposed limitations.

Thus, we describe Jane’s game.

1. Jane’s Game of “Wooden Leg”: The dialogue of this game might go:
   • Critical Parent: “You should be preparing for this presentation; it’s important.”Rebellious Child: “I can’t do it now. I need the right mood, and besides, I’ve always struggled with presentations.” Adaptive Child: “I’m too stressed to start now; I’ll do it later when I feel better.” Critical Parent: “Alright, we understand.”
   The predictable negative outcome is that Jane is unprepared and fails to impress the board. By playing this game, Jane reinforces her script of “I’m not good enough” or “I’m destined to fail.”
2. Game Payoff: The payoff for Jane in playing this game, although seemingly negative, can be a reaffirmation of her life script, thus providing a perverse sense of rightness or familiarity. For example, Jane might feel a sense of relief thinking, “I knew I’d mess up. I always do.” Jane is winning at her game. It provides a sense of security because it’s a narrative she’s known and lived with for a long time.

Intervention using Scripts and Games:

1. Recognize the script: Jane needs to identify and challenge her life script. Through therapy or self-reflection, she can trace back the origins of her “I’m not good enough” narrative and work on changing it.
2. Disrupt the game: Once Jane recognizes the games she plays, she can work on interrupting them. Instead of giving into the “Wooden Leg” excuses, she can use her Adult ego state to question the script, counter the procrastination, and start her preparation early.
3. Seek external feedback: By seeking feedback from trustworthy colleagues or friends, Jane can start getting an objective perspective on her capabilities and challenge her internal script.

Self sabotage is fairly common.

Procrastination at work or in school. An individual might delay starting a project or assignment due to an underlying fear of failure. Even if they’re fully capable of completing the task successfully, this internal resistance can lead to unnecessary stress, last-minute rushes, or missed opportunities.

Repeating unhealthy relationship patterns. Someone might consistently choose partners who don’t treat them well because of deep-seated beliefs about their self-worth. Despite consciously desiring a loving, respectful relationship, their unconscious patterns lead them towards unsatisfactory or toxic relationships. Again, they are winning at it, and the way out is to decide to redefine “winning”.

Avoiding opportunities due to fear: A person might be offered a promotion or a chance to lead a significant project but decline due to imposter syndrome or fear of increased responsibility. Their internal beliefs about their capabilities hinder their career advancement.

Here are some ways to manage the Law of Self-sabotage.

Reflect on one’s self. I provided TA as a tool that works, and this has been shown through numerous clinical research studies. Self-awareness could be achieved through meditation, journaling, or therapy.

Challenge negative self-talk: Become aware of the negative scripts in your mind and actively work to identify and challenge the games you might be playing.

Set clear goals. By having clear and actionable goals, you can develop a focused approach that diminishes the chances of getting sidetracked by self-sabotaging behaviors. This is what redefining “winning” means.

Be kind to yourself. Recognize that everyone has flaws and makes mistakes. Recognize that some of those flaws are deep-seated and automatic, having come from your parents and authority figures, and your emotional reactions as a child. Recognize that these are memories, and that you are able to question their current relevance.

Visualize success. Visualizing positive outcomes can help combat fears and resistances that lead to self-sabotage.

See professional help. If self-sabotaging behaviors are deeply ingrained or causing significant distress, consider seeking therapy or counseling.

By understanding and implementing the Law of Self-sabotage, individuals can recognize their internal barriers and work towards a more fulfilling, self-aligned life path.

Next up, The Law of Repression.

(Q.C. 230815)